Nick DiPaolo - The Pope

  • Season 11 , Ep 4
  • 01/18/2007
  • Views: 3,756

Nick was not shocked when the pope died. (2:28)

I'M NOT RACIST.

I'M ALL FOR AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES,

'CAUSE LET'S FACE IT, WHITE FOLKS,

IF WE DIDN'T SIT NEXT TO AN ASIAN OR AN INDIAN KID

ON EVERY TEST, YOU WOULD HAVE FLUNKED OUT IN THREE WEEKS.

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - NOBODY, AH--

NOBODY WALKS INTO A CHEMISTRY TEST AND GOES--

"WHERE'S THE PUERTO RICAN SITTIN'?"

[LAUGHTER]

UNLESS HE'S YOUR DEALER, THEN,HE MIGHT KNOW THE METRIC SYSTEM,

HE CAN HELP YOU OUT. BUT, YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

I SAW THE NEW POPE ON TV COUPLE WEEKS--

ANYBODY ELSE GET NERVOUS WHEN YOU SEE A GERMAN GUY

ON A BALCONY WITH 50,000 PEOPLE CHEERING HIM ON?

THAT'S KIND OF--

- HAVEN'T WE SEEN THAT-- - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

- MEL GIBSON'S BEHIND. - [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I LIKED THE OLD POPE. HE WAS KINDA COOL.

REMEMBER HE DIED, THEY WERE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE ON CNN?

THE GUY GOES, "THE POPE DIED TODAY."

THIS GUY LOOKS IN A CAMERA, HE GOES--

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?" THE GUY GOES, "I WAS SHOCKED."

YEAH, WHO SAW THAT COMIN'? THIS GUY WAS IN HIS LATE 100s.

HE HAD THE POSTURE OF A JUMBO SHRIMP.

- [LAUGHTER] - YOU WERE SHOCKED?

WHAT, DID YOUSEE HIM ON THE X GAMES?

WHAT THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

I WAS NOT SHOCKED WHEN THE POPE DIED.

'CAUSE I SAW HIM TRY TO SPEAK LIKE A WEEK BEFORE HE DIED.

REMEMBER HE ROLLED UP TO THE WINDOW AND HE WENT,

"RAH, RAH, RAH, RAH! RAH, RAH, RAH!"

"HOLY JESUS,IT'S MICKEY FROM ROCKY."

[AS MICKEY] "YOU NEED A MANAGER, ROCK!

"THE MUSLIMS ARE POUNDIN' THE [BLEEP] OUTTA US, ROCK.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- THEY'RE POUNDING US, ROCK!" - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HAVE THEY BURIED HIM YET? THEY DRAG HIM AROUND FOR,

WHAT, LIKE SIX WEEKS? LIKE HE WAS THE STANLEY CUP.

PEOPLE DRINKING BEER OUT OF HIS HAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOW COME EVERYBODY CRIED WHEN HE DIED?

HE'S TRYING TO GET TO WHERE HE'S GOING LAST 80 YEARS.

HE'S ALREADY THERE. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING PISSED AT?

CRY WHEN I DIE, FOR CHRIST SAKE.I'M PRETTY SURE

I WON'T NEED A JACKETFOR THAT TRIP, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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