Bill Burr - Cubicles

  • Season 7 , Ep 2
  • 02/13/2003
  • Views: 34,747

Bill Burr knew he was too stupid to run a business. (1:58)

THAT'S WHAT I LOVEABOUT THIS JOB.

I NEVER WANTED A JOBWHERE I HAD A BOSS.

THAT'S WHY I USED TO ALWAYS WORKIN, LIKE, WAREHOUSES,

'CAUSE IF MY BOSSIS GIVING ME A ROUGH TIME,

I COULD JUST GET ON A FORKLIFT

AND JUST, LIKE, DRIVE AWAYFROM HIM, YOU KNOW?

AND I REALIZED I WAS TOO STUPIDTO RUN A BUSINESS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I JUST KNEWI WAS NEVER GONNA BE THAT GUY

IN LIKE, YOU KNOW,IN THE BIG OFFICE,

BIG LONG TABLE,GOING,

"IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,WE NEED TO INCREASE PRODUCTION.

"OKAY, CATHY, YOU'RE USING ALITTLE BIT TOO MANY PAPER CLIPS,

"AND WE NEED TO JUST KIND OFTONE THAT DOWN.

"I'M NOT SINGLING YOU OUT.

WE JUST KIND OF"--

I COULD NEVER DO IT,SO I REALIZED

THE ONE I COULD EVER DO,

MY GREATEST THINGI COULD EVER DO,

WAS WORKIN ONE OF THOSE CUBICLES,

AND I REFUSE TO DO IT.

CUBICLES SHOULD BE ILLEGAL, MAN.

YOU KNOWWHAT A CUBICLE BASICALLY SAYS?

IT BASICALLY SAYS LIKE,"YOU KNOW WHAT?

"WE DON'T THINK YOU'RE SMARTENOUGH FOR AN OFFICE,

"BUT WE DON'T WANT YOUTO LOOK AT ANYBODY,

"SO YOU'RE GONNA GET IN THERE,

AND YOU'RE GONNASHUT YOUR FACE."

AND YOU JUST GET IN THERE,

AND YOU'RE, LIKE, HUNCHED OVER,TYPING AWAY.

AROUND LUNCHTIME, YOU POPYOUR HEAD UP LIKE A GOPHER,

LIKE, "HEY, STEVE,YOU WANT TO GET A SANDWICH?"

"I SAID GET IN THEREAND SHUT YOUR FACE!"

"AH, I WAS JUST ASKINGFOR A SANDWICH OR SOMETHING.

"GOD, I HATE THAT GUY.

"I REALLY HATE THAT GUY.

IT'S TIME TO GO ON THE INTERNETAND LOOK FOR A WEAPON."

[laughter]

PATHETIC, MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVEABOUT THE CUBICLE?

I ALWAYS LOVETHE PATHETIC ATTEMPT

TO TRY TO MAKE THE CUBICLELIKE A HOME,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THERE'S ALWAYS, LIKE,A STUFFED ANIMAL IN THERE

OR, LIKE, A PICTURE OF YOUR MOM

WITH, LIKE, HER DISAPPOINTEDEYES LOOKING BACK OUT AT YOU

LIKE, "WHY HAVE YOU ACCEPTEDTHIS AS YOUR LOT IN LIFE?

"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE THE BALLTO GET UP

AND WALK OUT OF THIS THING?"

I'M TELLING YOU.

THOSE PEOPLENEED TO BE RESCUED.

YOU EVER WALK BY A CUBICLE?

THE PERSON IN THE CUBICLEALWAYS LOOKS BACK OUT AT YOU

'CAUSE THEY'RE STARVEDFOR SOME SORT OF HUMAN CONTACT.

THEY'RE JUST START UPA CONVERSATION

LIKE, "HEY, HEY.

"IS IT RAINING OUT?

"I HAVEN'T SEEN THE SKY IN,LIKE, SIX DAYS.

THEY DON'T LET US LOOKOUT THE WINDOWS."

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