Sheryl Underwood - Single Ladies

  • Season 7 , Ep 16
  • 05/29/2003
  • Views: 11,554

White men are eager to please. (3:42)

Sheryl Underwood: LET'S TALK

ABOUT SOME FUN STUFF REAL FAST.

SINGLE LADIES MAKE SOME NOISE.

[CHEERS]

SINGLE LADIES, DO YOU LIKE BEING

SINGLE?

[CHEERS]

YES, YOU LIKE IT?

WHY YOU LIKE BEING SINGLE?

YELL OUT.

Female Audience Member: NO MAN.

Sheryl Underwood: NO MAN.

[LAUGHTER]

NO MAN!

NOW SEE, MEN, LET ME TELL

YA SOMETHING.

EVERY WOMAN DON'T WANNA BE

IN LOVE WITH YOU.

SOME OF US JUST WANNA HAVE SEX.

WE DON'T WANNA KNOW YOUR NAME.

WE DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT

YO PROBLEMS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, DON'T PULL

YOUR PANTS DOWN TOO FAR 'CAUSE

YOU'RE NOT STAYING VERY LONG.

[WOMEN CHEERING]

HURRY UP AND DO WHAT YOU

GOTTA DO BEFO' MY KIDS WAKE UP.

[LAUGHTER]

I NOTICE WE GOT SOME

INTER-RACIALS GOING ON.

NOW I'M WELL DOCUMENTED

ON BEING AGAINST INTER-RACIAL

BUT I WAS WRONG.

TO THE WHITE GIRLS IN THE ROOM,

I'M SORRY.

I WAS RAISED IN THE CHURCH

OF CHRIST.

WE WAS TAUGHT, IF YOU DO

SOMETHING BAD YOU NEED TO ASK

FOR FORGIVENESS.

I'M ASKING ALL THE WHITE GIRLS

TO FORGIVE ME.

I WAS ANGRY WITH YOU.

I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND,

HOW DO THE WHITE GIRLS KNOW

WHERE THE RICH, BLACK, SINGLE,

SUCCESSFUL BACHELOR LIVE.

DO THEY HAVE A WEBSITE?

DO THEY HAVE AN ASSOCIATION AND

THEY'RE E-MAILING EACH OTHER?

SO NOW I'M APOLOGIZING TO ALL

THE WHITE GIRLS.

IF Y'ALL WANNA HAVE SOME SEX

WITH SOME BLACK MEN GO AHEAD.

THERE'S SOME BROTHERS WE WISH

YOU'D TAKE OFF OUR DAMN HANDS.

BUT IF YOU GONE HAVE SEX WITH A

BLACK MAN, LET ME TELL YOU

SOMETHING.

YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT.

TELL 'EM SISTERS.

WE NOT GONNA FIGHT OVER NO MAN,

ARE WE?

BUT WE WILL KNOCK A BITCH OUT

FOR DISRESPECTING US, WON'T WE?

[WOMEN AGREEING]

BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHITE GIRLS

SOMETHING THE SISTERS DON'T WANT

YOU TO KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD KILL

A BLACK WOMAN?

TO GET BEAT UP BY A WHITE GIRL.

[LAUGHTER]

LOOK AT 'EM, LOOK AT 'EM.

THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT

COME HOME FROM WORK WITH YOUR

EYES SWOLLEN, LIP ALL BUSTED,

BLOUSE ALL TAUT 'CAUSE YOUR

BLACK GIRLFRIEND WILL GO,

"(BLEEP) DAMN, WHO DID THAT

TO YOU?

YOU BETTER NOT SAY TAMMY

FROM CLERICAL (BLEEP) YO ASS UP

LIKE THAT."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE SHE GONE MAKE YOU

GO BACK TO WORK AND FIGHT THAT

WHITE GIRL AGAIN.

AND YOU A SORRY SISTAH TO GET

BEAT UP TWICE BY A WHITE GIRL

THAT DID THE WINDMILL ON YOUR

ASS.

THESE WHITE GIRLS AIN'T PLAYIN'.

THEY WATCHIN' CHARLIE'S ANGELS

AND THEY AIN'T PLAYIN'.

RIGHT NOW I'M IN LOVE

WITH A BLACK MAN...

BIG BLACK.

UMM, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M IN LOVE

WITH A BLACK, BLACK, BLACK...

HE THAT BLACK.

HE DARKER THAN ME BLACK.

AND YOU KNOW, SEE WHITE FOLK,

Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND;

TWO DARK-SKINNED PEOPLE DO NOT

MARRY EACH OTHER BECAUSE THAT

BLACKNESS WILL CANCEL EACH OTHER

OUT.

IF I HAD A BABY BY 'EM,

WHAT THE BABY GONE LOOK LIKE,

A PUFF OF SMOKE, A PIECE OF

CHARCOAL?

WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I WOULD DO A WHITE MAN, TOO.

I SEE SOME CUTE WHITE BOYS

UP IN HERE.

I LIKE WHITE MEN.

YOU KNOW WHY?

SEE BROTHERS ALWAYS ASK ME,

"SHERYL, WHY DO YOU HAVE SEX

WITH A WHITE MAN?"

LET ME TELL YOU WHY.

'CAUSE SOME WHITE MEN WOULD DO

ANYTHING TO PLEASE YA.

LET ME TELL YA HOW I KNOW.

I WAS WITH THIS WHITE BOY,

DON'T TELL NOBODY.

[LAUGHTER]

THE WHITE BOY SAID, "SHERYL,

WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU FALL

IN LOVE WITH ME?"

I SAID, "PAY OFF MY STUDENT

LOANS."

[LAUGHTER]

AND SEE LADIES, WE KNOW

WE INDEPENDENT.

WE KNOW WE CAN MAKE OUR OWN

MONEY.

BUT YOU AIN'T GOT TO TELL NO MAN

THAT.

LADIES, NEVER ASK A MAN THIS

QUESTION.

NEVER WALK UP TO A MAN AND GO,

"WHAT YOU THINKIN' ABOUT?"

YOU KNOW WHY?

THEY CAN'T TELL YOU.

WHAT THEY REALLY WANNA TELL YOU

WHEN YOU WHEN THEY GO,

"WHAT YOU THINKING ABOUT?"

'CAUSE WHEN YOU SAY, "WHAT YOU

THINKING ABOUT?"

WHAT HE WANNA SAY IS,

"I WAS THINKING YOU NEED TO GET

YOUR BIG ASS OUT FROM IN FRONT

OF THE DAMN TV WHILE I'M TRYING

TO WATCH A GAME."

BUT I CAN'T SAY THAT (BLEEP) TO

YOU, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA WANT SOME

SEX IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

[LAUGHTER]

SEE LADIES, WE ARE OUR OWN WORST

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