Judy Gold - Great Gigs

  • Season 3, Ep 15
  • 09/14/2000
  • Views: 2,749

Judy's stand-up at a pro-choice benefit was intentionally offensive. (1:54)

ISN'T THIS A NICE THEATERAND EVERYTHING?

AND THE GOLD THING?'CAUSE I'M JUDY GOLD?

[applause]

I'VE HAD A GREAT FEW YEARS.

I HAVE TO SAY I HAD ANINCREDIBLE GIG 2 1/2 YEARS AGO.

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

I PERFORMEDAT A DEMOCRATIC FUND-RAISER

IN MIAMI BEACHABOUT 2 1/2 YEARS AGO,

AND I PERFORMEDFOR PRESIDENT CLINTON,

AND I DID STAND-UP COMEDYFOR HIM AS WELL.

AND IT WAS SUCHAN AMAZING EXPERIENCE.

[laughter]

BUT IT WAS REALLY WEIRDBECAUSE THE SECRET SERVICE

CAME UP TO ME BEFORE THE SHOW,AND THEY'RE TELLING ME,

"DON'T DO THIS JOKE;DON'T LOOK AT THAT PERSON;

DON'T SAY THIS."

TELL ME NOT TO DO SOMETHING,IT'S THE FIRST THING I DO.

I HATE RULES.ANYONE LIKE THAT?

[scattered applause]YOU'RE CLAPPING FOR THAT?

ALL RIGHT.SO--

[laughter]

I PERFORMED A YEAR AGO

FOR THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONOF WOMEN IN WASHINGTON.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

IT WAS AT A PRO-CHOICE BENEFIT,

AND THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE WASFILLED WITH HARDENED FEMINISTS

WHO HAVE WORKED THEIR ENTIRELIVES FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS.

ALL I WANTED TO DOWAS RUN ON STAGE AND SAY,

"SO THE OTHER DAYI WAS SCRUBBING THE TOILET

WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS [bleep]ME UP THE ASS,"

AND I SAID--

[laughter]

I SAID, "HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?"

AND HE SAID, "YOU FORGOTTO PICK UP MY DRY CLEANING."

AND THEN HE HIT ME,AND THEN I SAID "I'M SORRY."

[laughter]

"I LOVE YOU, AND I'MNOTHING WITHOUT YOU, POOPY.

"SO YOU LET ME MAKE YOU DINNER,

HONEY-BUNCHY POOPY-HEAD,OKAY?"

ANYONE FROM BROOKLYN?ANY BROOKLYN-ITES?

[cheering]

REALLY?HONEST TO GOD?

I LOVE BROOKLYN.I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS.

TWO YEARS AGO--

HONEST TO GOD--TRUE STORY.

TWO HASIDIC RABBISWERE CONVICTED OF LAUNDERING

COLOMBIAN DRUG MONEYTHROUGH THEIR SYNAGOGUE--

IN A YESHIVA IN BROOKLYN.I SWEAR TO GOD.

ISN'T IT TRUE?I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S TRUE.

I ACTUALLY THINKTHEY'RE INNOCENT

BECAUSE THOSE HASIDIMDON'T LAUNDER ANYTHING.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THATFOR A FEW MINUTES, SHALL WE?

[laughter]

THEY'RE GOING TO GET THATIN INDIANA, BUT--

[laughter]

Loading...