Louis Ramey - Defense Spending

  • Season 5 , Ep 5
  • 07/29/2001
  • Views: 3,587

The South will protect America from Castro. (1:14)

I ALWAYS WONDER WHY WE SPEND

SO MUCH MONEY ON DEFENSE?

WHO THE HELL ARE WE DEFENDING

OURSELVES AGAINST?

CANADIANS?

NOPE.

WE GOT MISSILES--

THEY GOT MOOSE.

(LAUGHTER)

OUR CLOSEST ENEMY IS CASTRO.

ANYBODY SCARED OF CASTOR?

NAH.

THAT'S LIKE PISSING OFF

THE SLOW KID IN SCHOOL.

(LAUGHTER)

NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO ATTACK

THIS COUNTRY.

EVER.

EVER.

EVER.

YOU KNOW WHY?

WE GOT TOO MANY REDNECKS.

WE GOT TOO MANY GOOD OLD BOYS

WITH AN ARSENAL IN THEIR

BASEMENT, WAITIN' FOR SOMETHING

TO GO DOWN.

YOU THINK IF CASTRO ATTACKS

SOUTH FLORIDA, THERE'S ANY WAY

THE MARINES ARE GOING TO GET

THERE BEFORE GEORGIA, ALABAMA,

MISSISSIPPI, LOUISIANA AND

TEXAS?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THERE'LL BE A LINE OF PICKUP

TRUCKS AND NASCARS HEADING DOWN

I-95, WITH JOHN ROCKER AND

CHARLTON HESTON LEADING THE WAY.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, THE MARINES WOULD SHOW UP

THREE HOURS LATER, THERE'LL BE

NOTHING BUT BEER CANS AND

SHOTGUN SHELLS.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

THE WAR'S OVER, BABY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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