Bonnie McFarlane - In Utero

  • Season 12 , Ep 11
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 8,815

When you're pregnant, you get a lot of unsolicited advice. (2:29)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I-- I SHOULDN'T SAY "JUST."IT WAS LIKE TWO HOURS AGO.

STILL A LITTLE HIGH ON PERCOCET,SO FORGIVE ME.

BUT SHE IS SO PERFECT.SHE IS REALLY-- YOU KNOW,

WHICH ISWHAT A LOAD-OFF, REALLY.

BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT,SO MANY THINGS CAN GO WRONG

AND IT'S VERY STRESSFUL.YOU KNOW WE HAD AN ULTRASOUND,

BUT AN ULTRASOUNDCAN'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING.

SO WHEN SHE WAS BORN,MY HUSBAND AND I WERE JUST

SO THRILLED AND RELIEVED,YOU KNOW, THAT SHE WAS WHITE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- WE'RE GONNA KEEP HER.- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANTPEOPLE JUST FEEL LIKE

THEY CAN COME UP ANDGIVE YOU UNSOLICITED ADVICE.

AND WHEN I WAS LIKENINE MONTHS PREGNANT,THIS WOMAN CAME UP

AND SHE SAID, "I HAVEONE WORD FOR YOU: EPIDURAL."

AND I WAS LIKE,"OH, MY GOD. THANKS.

BUT WE ALREADY PICKED A NAME."YOU KNOW-- I MEAN, "EPIDURAL"?

WHAT IS THAT, GERMAN?IT'S TERRIBLE.

WE WENT WITHTHE NAME KATRINA. YEAH.

- Woman: AW!- YEAH. YEAH.

TO COMMEMORATETHE TRAGIC EVENTS OF 1651,

QUEEN KATRINAOF THE NETHERLANDS.I THINK EVERYBODY'S

FAMILIAR WITH THE STORY.I'M NOT GONNA GO INTO IT.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN I WAS PREGNANT,STRANGERS WOULD COME UPAND WANNA TOUCH MY BELLY

SO THEY COULD FEEL THE BABY.WHICH MADE ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE CREEPYFETUS MOLESTERS WERE THINKING,

YOU KNOW, THAT THEY COULD DOTHIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. GOD!

WAIT UNTILSHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO HAVEA MYSPACE PAGE,

FOR GOD SAKES.GIVE HER A FIGHTING CHANCE!

[LAUGHTER]

BUT UM-- I WAS VERY PROTECTIVEOF MY BABY IN UTERO.

RIGHT NOW,SHE'S WITH THE JANITOR. BUT--

WHEN SHE WAS IN MY BELLY,I WAS REALLY CAREFUL ABOUT

WHAT I ATE, AND WHAT I DRANK.YOU KNOW, NO ALCOHOL,

BECAUSE WHEN YOU DRINK,YOUR BABY DRINKS.

AND IT'S SO DANGEROUS,YOU KNOW, FOR THE DEVELOPMENT

OF YOUR BABYWHEN SHE'S IN YOUR WOMB.

SO I DIDN'T HAVE ANY ALCOHOLTHROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE PREGNANCY.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,THE MINUTE SHE WAS BORN,

I GOT HER ALL THESELITTLE AIRLINE BOTTLES.AND SHE JUST LOVED 'EM.

- YEAH, SHE...- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHE'S SUCH A GOOD BABY.

SHE ALREADY SLEEPSTHROUGH THE NIGHT.

TWO LEMON GINS, SHE IS OUT.[CHUCKLES] SO...

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