Laura Kightlinger - Fertility Drugs

  • Season 7 , Ep 8
  • 03/27/2003
  • Views: 10,182

Nothing's a greater blessing for a couple than eight healthy two-pound babies. (1:58)

I SEEM LIKE THE WARM, SNUGGLY

PRO-FAMILY TYPE BUT I'M NOT.

I, AH, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY PEOPLE PROCREATE WHEN THERE

ARE KIDS HERE ALREADY WHO NEED

TO BE EXPLOITED, IGNORED AND

ABUSED.

I--

WHAT ABOUT THESE KIDS?

BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY CHAPS

MY ASS ARE THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE

FERTILITY DRUGS.

YOU KNOW, AND WHEN YOU SEE THEM

INTERVIEWED THEY SAY, "IT'S A

BLESSING.

GOD WANTED US TO HAVE EIGHT

HEALTHY TWO-POUND BABIES."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, I SAY WHAT ABOUT WHEN THEY

WEREN'T ABLE TO HAVE KIDS IN THE

FIRST PLACE?

HOW COULD GOD BE ANY CLEARER

THAN THAT?

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW?

THAT WAS A SIGN FROM GOD THAT

YOUR PARTICULAR LINE IS ONE THAT

HE'S TRYING TO PHASE OUT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS)

AND, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF

LETTING HIM CUT HIS LOSSES

YOU TAKE A PILL AND BEGIN

THE GENETIC FREAK SHOW.

AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEAR ABOUT

WOMEN GIVING BIRTH TO FIVE KIDS

OR MORE I CAN'T EVEN WRAP

MY HEAD AROUND IT.

I JUST IMAGINE THAT THERE'S

A WOMAN SOMEWHERE LYING IN

A GARAGE ON A TOWEL, YOU KNOW,

WITH BABIES CRAWLING ALL OVER

HER TRYING TO GET AT ONE OF HER

EIGHT NIPPLES.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, AND FRIENDS AND

NEIGHBORS, YOU KNOW, STOP BY,

TAKE A PEEK AND, YOU KNOW,

INEVITABLY, YOU KNOW, A KID WILL

BEG HIS MOTHER, "MOM, CAN I HAVE

ONE, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN I HAVE

ONE?

I PROMISE I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

I PROMISE I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT."

"OH, YOU SAY THAT NOW BUT I KNOW

DAMN WELL I'LL BE THE ONE THAT

WINDS UP BREAST FEEDING IT."

(LAUGHTER)

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