Dave Attell - The Ladies

Dave Attell Season 1, Ep 3 05/27/1997 Views: 10,295

There was a beautiful woman at a bar, drinking Dave's favorite drink: a lot. (1:56)

Everybody gets lonely, right?

Some of us are lonely right now.

We all get lonely.

The other night I had the lonely

bug, right?

So I go out to this bar.

I see this beautiful woman


I'm thinking, "She's alone.

I'm alone.

Why not annoy her?"

So I walk over.

It took me a bit, 'cause I'm

wearing clogs.

I walk over, and she's drinking

my favorite drink, a lot.

So a couple of McNuggets later,

we're back at my place, and

we're having sex doggie style.

Now, I didn't plan on it.

That's just how she passed out,

all right?


What, am I going to wake the


I'm a gentleman.

Oh, back at you.

It's my show.

Fellas, have you ever had the

experience of a woman yelling

another man's name out

in the height of passion?

Well, this wo--

Well, this woman--


Well, this woman was yelling out

names of men who have never


She's like, "Oh, Magoo.

Give it to me, Santa.

Oh, Aquaman.

Don't stop, Papa Smurf."

And I'm thinking, "Is she crazy,

or is she just looking at my



But you got to look good for the


You hear me, huh, huh?

You got to look good for the

women, I swear.

You got to be in shape.

That's right.

I'm in terrible shape.

Oh, my God.

I need a nap after I fart.

Are you with me?

'Cause it's true.

I go to the gym.

You know what they have there?

Two-pound weights.

Two-pound weights.

How weak do you have to be

for two-pound weights?

And how did you get in the gym?

How did you even open the door?

That's what I want to know.

Help. Help.

I--uh--ooh, feel the burn.

Oh, I have one of these at home.


Two-pound weights, what's your


To pump up and open your mail?

I don't get it.

Let's talk