Bruce the Batboy

  • Season 2 , Ep 215
  • 04/11/2012
  • Views: 19,741

Randall tells Mark his idea for a new TV show, and Mark introduces the Department of Integration group to Bruce the Batboy. (2:15)

ORGANIZED CRIME HAS MADE ADISTURBING COMEBACK IN NEW YORK

TO THE DISMAY OF LAW-ABIDINGCITIZENS

BUT TO THE DELIGHTOF LOCAL NEWS ANCHORS.

FOR REACTION, HERE ARESOME RANDOMLY CHOSEN IDIOTS.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE SCARY,

BUT IT'S ALSO, LIKE,KIND OF EXCITING.

IT'S LIKE THAT MOVIE.- GOODFELLAS?

- NO, THE OTHER ONE.- THE GODFATHER?

- NO, IT'S THE ONE WITH THE GUY.YOU KNOW, THE FAT GUY?

KEEP TRYING.YOU'LL GET IT.

- SO YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUTTHE INCREASE IN ORGANIZED CRIME.

- NOPE.

- SAY, UH, WHAT'S THIS GOING ONBEHIND YOU?

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- SOURCES SAY THATTHE GANG OF CAT BURGLARS

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCEIS LED BY

SHADOWY UNDERWORLD FIGURESABRINA MARONI

AS SEEN HERE IN THISUNNECESSARILY SEXY MUG SHOT.

- RANDALL,WHY ARE YOU WEARING A SUIT?

ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOINGTO LEAVE THE APARTMENT TODAY?

- I'M SHOOTING A TEST TAPEFOR MY NEW TV SHOW IDEA.

HERE'S THE PITCH:

I PICK UP PEOPLE IN A TOWN CAR

AND I GET THEM TO SAY TERRIBLETHINGS ON HIDDEN CAMERA

WHEN THEY'REDRUNK AND VULNERABLE.

I CALL IT TOWN CAR CONFESSIONS.

- UH, THAT SOUNDSA LOT LIKE THE OLD HBO SERIES

TAXI CAB CONFESSIONS.

- NO, DUDE,THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

IF ANYTHING, IT'S DERIVATIVEOF GOLF CART CONFESSIONS.

- HI THERE, EVERYONE.

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBERJOINING US TODAY.

- TEACHER, BEFORE YOU INTRODUCENEW MEMBER,

WHY IS FILTHY BAT BOY HERE?- [chittering]

- WARREN,THIS IS OUR NEW MEMBER.

I'VE DECIDED TO CALL HIM BRUCE.

GIVE HIM A WARM WELCOME.

- NO!- KILL IT!

- GUYS, RELAX, HE'S JUSTA HARMLESS BAT BOY.

chomp!OW!

AH, DAMN IT, BRUCE.

[screaming]

- [screeching]- AH! UH!

- YAH!

thwack!UH!

UH! AH! DYUH! YAH!

YAH,DIE, YOU BASTARD.

UH!HAD ENOUGH?

YAH! UH!

[grunts become faster]

AH, I THINK HE'S DEAD.

SORRY, EVERYONE.

I KNEW HE'D ATTACK YOU,

BUT I'M ONLY ALLOWED TO KILLTHEM IF THEY BITE SOMEONE.

- WHAT?

- NOW, BAT BOY VENOM

IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUSAND UNPREDICTABLE,

SO PLEASE SHOW MEWHERE YOU WERE BIT

SO I CAN CUT OFF THE APPENDAGEBEFORE IT SPREADS.

- RIGHT HERE.

THANKS!

- HOW 'BOUT YOU,DR. FRASIER CRANE?

- I'M OKAY.- GREAT.

NOW, AS LONG AS I HAVEMY MACHETE OUT,

WHO WANTS A HAIRCUT?

- TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP.

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