Wyatt Cenac - Voting Is a Pain in the Ass

  • Season 3 , Ep 1
  • 07/20/2012
  • Views: 12,903

Wyatt Cenac does not want to wake up a couple of hours earlier than he wants to on a Tuesday. (2:52)

DURING THE LASTPRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

MORE PEOPLE VOTEDFOR "AMERICAN IDOL"

THAN VOTED FORPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

AND NOT LIKE THREE MORE PEOPLE,MILLIONS MORE PEOPLE.

LIKE, BASICALLY, THE LEADER OFTHE FREE WORLD IS JORDIN SPARKS.

SHE'S THE BIRACIAL CHANGEWE COULD BELIEVE IN.

AND IT MAKES SENSEWHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT

'CAUSE VOTING,IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.

VOTING IS SUCHA PAIN IN THE ASS.

THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THATIF I WANNA VOTE FOR PRESIDENT,

WHAT I HAVE TO DO IS WAKE UPA COUPLE HOURS EARLIER

THAN I WANT TO ON A TUESDAY?

I HAVE A JOB I DON'TWANNA GO TO ON A TUESDAY--

AND NOT JUST ANY TUESDAY,A TUESDAY IN COLD ASS NOVEMBER.

LIKE, IT WAS JUST HALLOWEEN,I'M PROBABLY STILL HUNG OVER.

AND WHY DO WE DO THAT?

WE DO THAT TO ACCOMMODATESOME FARMERS FROM 100 YEARS AGO,

WHICH IF THEY'RE STILL VOTING,THEY'RE VAMPIRES.

WE NEED TO DESTROY THEM.

WELL, YOU COULD ALWAYS VOTEAFTER WORK.

OH, YEAH, I COULD GOHAUL ASS AFTER WORK,

GO PICK UP MY SNOT-NOSEDHUNGRY-ASS CHILDREN,

(bleep) LOCK THEM IN MY CARAS I GO INSIDE A POST OFFICE,

A PLACE I DON'T EVEN WANNA GOTO WHEN I HAVE MAIL.

I COULD DO ALL THAT,OR I COULD JUST GO HOME,

SIT DOWN ON MY COUCH,PICK UP MY PHONE,

AND FOR A COUPLE OF DOLLARS,

JUST VOTE FOR THE GAY KIDON "AMERICAN IDOL"

AND HOPE THEY SING A SONGTHAT CHANGES THE WORLD.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

I'M SAYING.

PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY VOTING IS NOTA RIGHT, IT'S A PRIVILEGE.

THAT'S THE (bleep) PRIVILEGE.

LIKE, ALL I HAD TO DOWAS MAKE A PHONE CALL,

AND YOU MEAN THE REST IS UPTO SOME ANDROGYNOUS TEENAGER

SINGINGA FLEETWOOD MAC SONG?

(bleep)SHE'D BETTER KILL IT.

(laughter)

I LIKE COMIC BOOKS.I'M A FAN OF COMIC BOOKS.

(cheers and applause)

THERE ARE THE NERDS.GET THEM.

(laughter)

THIS IS ALL JUSTA STING OPERATION...

AND ROOT OUT NERDS.

NO, I LIKE COMIC BOOKS,AND I ALWAYS WANTED

TO WRITE MY OWNCOMIC BOOK.

I WAS GONNA CALL IT SPIDER-MAN.

NOW BEFORE YOU CALLMARVEL'S ATTORNEYS,

MY COMIC BOOK WAS NOT ABOUTA MAN WHO GETS POWERS

AFTER BEING BITTENBY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER,

BUT INSTEAD ABOUT A SPIDER

WHO GETS BITTENBY A RADIOACTIVE MAN.

SO HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVEPOWERS.

HE JUST KINDA SITS ON THE COUCH,PLAYING A LOT OF XBOX,

COMPLAINING ABOUTHOW HE'S OVERQUALIFIED

FOR THE JOB HE'S GOT,

AND TRYING TO STAY ONE STEPAHEAD OF HIS ARCH NEMESIS,

BLACK SPIDER-MAN

WHO'S JUST AN EXTERMINATORNAMED TYRONE.

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