But I'll--I'll--I'll be honestwith you guys.
I'm not good at the sex.
And not just'cause I call it "the sex."
I'm working on a book right now,
The Fifty Shades of Un(bleep)able.
The truth is, like,
I just... I'm not...I'm not good with women.
Um, I remember, uh,this one time I went on a date.
Just once. Um... a-and the girltook me back to her place,
and we were playing Scrabble,
and I was kicking her(bleep) coccyx.
It's right near the assbut worth a lot more points.
In it to win it.
And she was like,"I hope you don't mind,
but I'm gonna cheat right now,"
takes out a bag of cocaine,
and just starts snorting itin front of me.
And I was like, "Hey,d-do you want to make out now?"
And she's like, "I don't thinkwe'll be doing that tonight."
And I thought to myself,
"How did I end upwith the only coke prude
"in New York City?
"Is it an open-nose,closed-vag policy
that someoneisn't telling me about?"
But then she startedmasturbating in front of me,
and I was like, "Hey,d-do you want me to join?"
And she was like, "No,I just want you to watch."
So I didbecause I'm a gentleman.
And she was grinding down there.
It looked like she was wasdrunk-dialing on a rotary phone.
She looked like she was playing"Free Bird" on Guitar Hero
on Expert, just unlockingevery achievement possible.
I love when I get to do thistowards the front
'cause then they get to feel
like they'rein the Splash Zone at SeaWorld.