Matt Braunger - Historic Speech

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 02/05/2010
  • Views: 7,025

Living on the east side of Los Angeles, Matt Braunger saw a lot of bootleg t-shirts. (2:43)

BARACK OBAMA T-SHIRT

I'VE EVER SEEN.

AND I LIVE IN THE EAST SIDEOF LOS ANGELES.

SO I'VE SEEN A LOT OF THEM.

AND, UH--NOT EAST EAST.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT THAT PERSONTHAT WHITE PERSON

THAT SAYS, LIKE, "I CAN LIVEANYWHERE I WANT."

BULLET-BULLET.RIGHT.

UM, YOU KNOW.

BUT THIS SHIRT,IT HAD BARACK'S SMILING FACE,

THE GREAT LAWN,THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT

AND ALL THE PEOPLE WATCHING,

AND IT JUST SAID,"HISTORICAL SPEECH,"

THAT'S IT.

LIKE,THAT'S ALL IT SAID.

IT WAS LIKE WHAT AN ALIENWOULD SAY IN, YOU KNOW--

AT THE ACTUAL GREAT LAWNDURING THE SPEECH

TO ACT LIKE A HUMAN.

"HISTORICAL SPEECH!"LIKE, TO FIT IN, YOU KNOW?(laughter)

"YELLOW BANANA DELICIOUS."

THIS GUY'S AN ALIEN.

IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE HAVINGA SHIRT WITH, LIKE,

THE ASTROS/METS 1986 JUST SAYS,"GOOD GAME," YOU KNOW?

OR LIKE THE HINDENBURG EXPLOSIONTHAT JUST SAYS, "BAD DAY."

(laughter)OH.

DO YOU GUYS LIKE THIS SHIRTI'M WEARING?

(cheers and applause)

I HAD IT DESIGNED AND MADE.

IT'S A HIPPO TRYING TO GETHIS FRIEND RICK'S ATTENTION.

(laughter)

COME ON.COME ON.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APPLAUD,BUT, COME ON, IT'S AWESOME.

"RICK!"

(laughter)

IT'S BETTER WITH THE VOCAL,RIGHT?

FEEL I SHOULD HAVEADDED MORE, THOUGH.

"RICK!RICK, I'M OUTSIDE!

(laughter)

"RICK, WE'RE GONNA MISSTHE MOVIE!

"RICK, PEOPLE ARE STARING

'CAUSE I'M A HIPPOTHAT CAN SPEAK ENGLISH"

I LOVE THE NAME RICK.

'CAUSE IT'S SO LIKE UBER-MASCULINE AND '70s, YOU KNOW.

LIKE, I DON'T KNOWIF I WANT A KID,

BUT I KNOW I WANT A--I KIND OFWANT A BABY NAMED RICK,

YOU KNOW?

HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?

YOU KNOW, LIKE IF YOU CAMETO MY HOUSE

AND I WAS LIKE, "HEY,YOU WANT TO MEET MY BABY?"

HIS NAME'S RICK."

(laughter)

LIKE, BEFORE YOU EVEN LOOKED,YOU HAVE THE MENTAL IMAGE

OF, LIKE, A BABY WITH, LIKE,HUGE GREASY MECHANIC HANDS

AND LIKE A MOUSTACHEJUST PACKING A BOX OF CAMELS

AND STARING AT YOU,YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE LIKE, "WELL, NICETO MEET YOU, RICK."

"WHAT YOU LOOKING AT...?"

"JESUS. WHOA.

YOUR BABY'SKIND OF HOMOPHOBIC."

"I'M NOBODY'S BABY...!"

YOU KNOW, AND HE'D TRYTO COME AFTER YOU

HE'D BE LIKE, "COME ON!"LIKE HE'S GONNA FIGHT YOU

BUT HE STILL HAS, LIKE,LITTLE CHUBBY BABY LEGS

SO HE'D FALL.

AND HE'D SLAM HIS HEADON THE GROUND,

AND HE WOULDN'T CRY,HE'D JUST GO...

"..."

(laughter)

"MY HEAD!CHRIST!"

Loading...