Bill Santiago - Spanglish

  • Season 10 , Ep 22
  • 05/04/2006
  • Views: 15,793

New York City is the capital of Spanglish. (3:49)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

NEW YORK, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. MUCHISIMAS GRACIAS.

POR ESTAR AQUI TODOS MIS FAN POR WACHEAR SHOW.

OH, I LOVE IT.I'M GETTING A GOOD FEELING.

I WAS BACK THERE LISTENING.I'M GONNA JUST ASSUME

EVERYONE HERE TONIGHT--JUST TO MAKE THINGS EASIER,IS EITHER LATINO OR--

LATINO CURIOUS.YES. IF I'M WRONG ON THAT,

JUST LET ME KNOW.AND THAT'S GOOD FOR ME.

'CAUSE SOMETIMES I CAN'T TELLRIGHT UP FRONT AND I GOTTA ASK.

ONE TIME, I COME OUT. I GO,"ANYBODY HERE SPEAK SPANISH?"

GUY IN THE FRONT ROW SAYS,"NO, THANK GOD."

[LAUGHTER]

NORMALLY I CAN ROLL WITH THAT.I HAD NOTHING. I'M STARING AT--

"THANK GOD? THANK GOD? REALLY?"

BUT IN THAT MOMENT, I PICTUREDHIM GETTING TO HEAVEN.

AND THERE'S ASIGN ON THE GATE SAYS, "SE HABLA ESPANOL."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT,THAT KIND OF MENTALITY.

YOU CAN'T GOANYWHERE IN THIS COUNTRYWITHOUT HEARING A LITTLE

- SPANISH OR SPANGLISH.- Audience: YEAH!

YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHEREIN THIS COUNTRY WITHOUTHEARING A LITTLE SPANGLISH.

- ATENCION, K-MART SHOPPERS.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOW CAN YOU NOTLOVE THE SPANGLISH? I LOVE IT.

TWICE THE VOCABULARY,HALF THE GRAMMAR.

IT'S MADE FOR THIS COUNTRY.AND NEW YORK CITY,

THIS IS THE CAPITALOF SPANGLISH RIGHT HERE.

- YOU'RE GONNA HEAR--- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M IN TIMES SQUARE,RIGHT HERE AROUND THE CORNER.SO CUTE, IN A TOY STORE,

A LITTLE GIRLTALKING TO HER MOM,

"MAMI, COMPRAMENDO POR FAVOR! QUE ESTA ON SALE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND SHE'S LIKE, KA DE HE QUE NO!"

"WHY? COMO QUE WHY?" "PORQUE BECAUSE."

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]- ISN'T THAT FUNNY?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,ONCE YOU TUNE IN THAT

SPANGLISH FREQUENCY,YOU HEAR IT EVERY WHERE,

YOU'LL NEVER STOPHEARING IT AGAIN.

I'M LISTENINGTO A BASEBALL GAME.

AMERICA'S OFFICIAL PAST TIME.I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE

IF IT'S ON AN ENGLISHOR A SPANISH RADIO STATION.

I CAN'T DISTINGUISH.ON SPANISH I'LL HEAR,

"LA SA GUNA DOUBLE PLAY, HAY DOS OUTS,

DOS ES STRICKS, UNA BOLA"...

- [LAUGHTER]- I SWITCH TO ENGLISH.

AND ALEX RODRIGUEZ SAYS ADIOSTO LA PELOTAH.

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]- YOU HEAR IT EVERYWHERE.

YOU HEAR A LOT OF SPANISH.WE DON'T EVEN WAIT FOR A WORDTO BECOME FULL ON ENGLISH

BEFORE WE TURN ITRIGHT INTO SPANGLISH.

WE CAN'T WAIT.WE'RE SO ANXIOUS ABOUT IT.

LIKE GOOGLE. YO GOOGLEO, TU GOOGLEAS...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOSTOROS GOOGLEAMOS.

LIKE YOU WERE BORNTO CONJUGATE ENGLISHINTO SPANISH. YOU KNOW?

SOMETIMES JUST INSTINCTUALLY,

YOU KNOW CERTAIN THINGSYOU DON'T TRANSLATE.

LIKE YOU'RE GOINGTO SEE A MOVIE.

VAMOS AVER LA PELICULA DE SPONGE BOB. RIGHT?

YOU WOULD NEVER SAY ROBERTO ESPONJA PANTALONES CUETROS.

THAT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS.TAKES WAY TOO MUCH TIME.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW MYFAVORITE SPANISH WORDHAD JUST MADE THE LEAP

INTO THEAMERICAN/ENGLISH DICTIONARY.

NEXT EDITION OF FUNK AND WAGNERSWILL INCLUDE THE WORD

- "CHANCLA".- [LAUGHTER]

CHEAP SANDAL, WHICH DOUBLESAS A DISCIPLINARY DEVICE

IN LATINO HOUSEHOLDS,AS IN "SPARE THE CHANCLA,SPOIL THE CHILD."

"SEE ALSO CHANCLE TAZO FUERTE EL POW POW."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT.I AM A CHANCLA SURVIVOR.

MY PARENTS WERE VERY STRICT.ABOUT TEACHING US SPANISH, TOO.

THEY-- THANK GOD--WERE HARDCORE, THOUGH.

MY PARENTS WANTED METO LEARN SPANISH SO BAD,

THEY WOULD LOCK USIN THE CAR EVERY SUMMER,

ME AND MY BROTHERSFOR THE WHOLE TRIP

FROM NEW YORK TO FLORIDA,WE WERE NOT ALLOWED

TO SPEAK ANYTHING BUT SPANISH. TIENE QUE SER EN ESPAÑOL

E NO LESVOY HACER NINGUN CASO.NO MATTER WHAT WAS GOING ON.

WE'RE LIKE PAPI, THERE'S ATRAIN COMING, A TRAIN!

HE'S LIKE "NO, NO, TIENE QUESER EN ESPAÑOL."

"BUT A TRAIN!"

AND THE SPANISHISN'T KICKING IN.

YOU'RE LIKE, "EL CHOO CHOO!"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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