[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO

- MY WORKDAY BEING COMPLETE. - [LAUGHTER]

I JUST PUT IN 24 AND A HALF MINUTES AND I AM EXHAUSTED!

I'M JUST GONNA GO TO A LITTLE [BLEEP]-HOLE BAR.

LITTLE DIVE. A LITTLE DUMP. HOLE IN THE WALL.

THAT'S WHERE I LIKE TO DRINK.

I NEVER GO TO NIGHTCLUBS OR STRIP CLUBS.

A LOT OF COMICSHANG OUT IN STRIP CLUBS.

SOMETIMES THEY WANT ME TO GO. THEY'RE LIKE, "COME ON, MAN. WE'RE GOIN' TO FLASHDANCERS.

WE'RE GONNA CHECK OUT SOME TITTIES. YOU WANNA GO?"

AND I'M ALWAYS LIKE, "I CAN'T, FELLAS. I'M MARRIED."

AND THEY ALWAYS SAY THE SAME THING BACK,

"THEY'RE LIKE, COME ON, DUDE.HOW'S SHE GONNA KNOW?"

I'M LIKE, "HOW IS SHE GONNA KNOW?

"HOW IS SHE NOT GONNA KNOW.

"I'M GONNA ROLL IN AT 5 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING...

"SMELLING LIKE EXOTIC PLANTS...

"NO MONEY IN MY POCKETS...

- GLITTER ALL OVER ME. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"THE SECOND I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR SHE'S GONNA GO,

"'YOU WENT TO A STRIP CLUB.' WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA SAY?

'NO, NO. NO, I WAS OUT TRACKING UNICORNS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]