Gregg Rogell - The Amish

  • Season 7 , Ep 24
  • 07/31/2003
  • Views: 15,123

The Amish have their holy land in Pennsylvania -- Gregg Rogell sees a flaw there. (3:02)

EXCEPT THE AMISH.

THEY'RE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS.

THEIR HOLY LAND IS IN

PENNSYLVANIA FOR CHRIST SAKES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DO YOU SEE THE FLAW RIGHT THERE?

I'M PRETTY SURE JESUS DIDN'T

RESURRECT SEVEN MILES SOUTH

OF PHILLY.

[LAUGHTER]

WE SHOULD TAKE THEIR LAND.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THEY'D NEVER SEE IT COMING,

YOU KNOW.

JUST START BUILDING SETTLEMENTS

IN LANCASTER, PENNSYLVANIA.

THEY'D HAVE TO FORM THE A.L.O.,

AMISH LIBERATION ORGANIZATION,

START ATTACKING US.

"TWO MEN WERE SHOT DEAD TODAY.

WORK OF THE MUSKET SNIPER."

[LAUGHTER]

PUT ANTHRAX IN OUR BUTTER.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

ISLAM, THAT'S A TOUGH RELIGION.

THEIR HOLY HOLIDAY IS RAMADAN.

THAT'S A MONTH LONG HOLIDAY

WHERE EVERY DAY YOU CAN'T EAT,

CAN'T DRINK, YOU CAN'T SMOKE,

YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX TILL SUNDOWN

FOR 28 DAYS.

IT'S DIFFERENT THAN CHRISTMAS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU DON'T SAY HAPPY RAMADAN,

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT REALLY

HAPPY AT ALL, YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

"HAPPY RAMADAN."

"HUNGRY, HELP ME, PLEASE."

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

THEY CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT

THEIR WOMEN IN SOME OF THESE

COUNTRIES.

WOMEN GOTTA DRESS UP LIKE

HOCKEY GOALIES.

IT'S SICKENING.

THESE ARE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED

PEOPLE.

YOU WANNA LIBERATE THESE PEOPLE.

WE SHOULDN'T BE DROPPING BOMBS

ON THEM.

WE SHOULD BE DROPPING HOOKERS

ON THESE PEOPLE.

CONFUSE THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.

"DOWN WITH AMERICA.

DOWN-- OOH, (BLEEP).

OH.

[LAUGHTER]

OH, I LOVE AMERICA.

I'M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY,

YES, I AM.

WHOO-HOO.

BASEBALL, ICE CREAM, LOLLY POPS.

YOU KNOW, THE JEWS REALLY AREN'T

SO BAD EITHER."

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS WATCHING THE

OSAMA BIN LADEN VIDEO THAT GOT

ALL THAT CONTROVERSY.

HE WAS EATING THIS WHITE

MUSHY STUFF WITH HIS FINGERS

ON THE VIDEO.

HOW SCARED AM I SUPPOSED TO BE

OF THIS GUY?

HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FORK.

IT TAKES AWAY ALL HIS POWER.

"WE HAVE THE MOST SOPHISTICATED

TERRORIST DEVICES.

ALLAH HAS BLESSED US GREATLY.

OOH, WHITE MUSHY STUFF."

[LAUGHTER]

I'M WAITING FOR SALLY STRUTHERS

TO POP OUT IN FRONT OF THE

CAMERA.

"THIS IS OSAMA.

[LAUGHTER]

OSAMA LIVES IN A SMALL, DAMP

CAVE WITH 50 OTHER TERRORISTS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"FOR ONLY 70 CENTS A DAY,

THE PRICE OF A SOMALIAN WHORE,

OSAMA WILL TALK DIRTY TO YOU

AND YOUR LOVED ONE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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