Harland Williams - Everything Is Star Wars Now

Benny, Ifft, Lukas Season 4, Ep 0402 01/15/2001 Views: 4,681

Beeping watches, pagers and cell phones make it sound like you're in Star Wars. (3:02)

LOOK AT THIS STAGE, HUH?

PRETTY HIGH-TECH STUFF,

ISN'T IT?

THERE'S TOO MUCH TECHNOLOGY

NOWADAYS.

ISN'T THERE?

I DON'T TRUST TECHNOLOGY, MAN.

WAY TOO MUCH OF IT.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT TECHNOLOGY'S

GONNA DO, DO YOU?

HUH?

YOU EVER HAVE THIS HAPPEN?

YOU PHONE YOUR BUDDY AT HOME

OR AT WORK AND FOR SOME FREAKY,

TECHNOLOGICAL REASON,

YOU GET PASSED THROUGH TO THEIR

FAX LINE BY MISTAKE.

AND INSTEAD OF HEARING THEIR

WARM, COMFORTING, FAMILIAR

VOICE, YOU GET THAT HORRIBLE

NOISE.

IT'S LIKE--

(IMITATING FAX BEEPING)

(LAUGHTER)

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "CHEWBACA?"

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE

A COMPLETE LOSER, SO YOU TRY

TO HAVE A CONVERSATION, ANYWAYS.

YOU'RE LIKE--

(IMITATING CHEWBACA)

(LAUGHTER)

MAN, EVERYTHING'S "STAR WARS"

NOWADAYS, ISN'T IT, MAN?

YOU GO OUT TO DINNER

WITH A FRIEND.

BETWEEN THEIR BEEPING WATCH,

THEIR PAGER, THEIR CELL PHONE,

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE OUT WITH R2-D2

FOR THE EVENING, ISN'T IT?

ALL YOU HEAR ALL NIGHT IS

(IMITATING R2-D2 NOISES)

IT'S LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH

YOUR MEAL YOU'RE LIKE,

"I SAY, R2.

THIS REALLY IS A FINE

CHEESEBURGER."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

GOD, DO I LOOK HEALTHY?

DO YOU NOTICE, I GOT A LITTLE

BIT OF A TAN?

ANYONE NOTICE THAT?

I TELL YA, MAN, THOSE

TANNING BOOTHS ARE DANGEROUS.

I WENT IN ONE FOR THE FIRST

TIME, DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW

IT WORKED.

THEY GAVE ME THOSE

LITTLE GLASSES.

HAVE YOU SEEN THEM,

THOSE LITTLE TINY GLASSES?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THEY WERE

SUPPOSED TO GO.

BY ACCIDENT, I PUT THEM ON

MY TESTICLES.

I GET HOME THAT NIGHT, GET NAKED

IN FRONT OF MY LADY, SHE KICKS

ME RIGHT IN THE JEWELS.

SHE THOUGHT THERE WAS A GIANT

DRAGONFLY LOOSE IN THE ROOM.

(LAUGHTER)

A BIG, JUICY DRAGONFLY FLAPPING

AROUND THE ROOM LIKE A WING NUT.

HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?

YOU OKAY?

GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, FELLA?

>> AUDIENCE MEMBER: JOHN.

>> HARLAND: JOHN,

WHAT A WONDERFUL TREAT.

WHAT DO YOU DO THESE DAYS, JOHN?

HOW DO YOU FILL YOUR DAYS,

FELLA?

>> JOHN: I TRANSLATE LEGAL

DOCUMENTS.

>> HARLAND: YOU TRANSLATE.

WHAT DO YOU TRANSLATE, JOHN?

>> JOHN: FROM KOREAN TO ENGLISH.

>> HARLAND: FROM KOREAN TO

ENGLISH.

ALL RIGHT.

TRY THIS ONE:

(LAUGHTER)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

WHAT DID I SAY, BUDDY?

>> JOHN: YOU SAID THERE'S A BIG

DRAGONFLY LOOSE IN YOUR ROOM.

>> HARLAND: THERE'S A BIG

DRAGONFLY LOOSE IN MY ROOM.

YES!

HE'S GOOD.

HE IS GOOD.