Retta - Growing Up Poor

Weinhold, Estime, Retta Season 3, Ep 312 02/22/2000 Views: 10,535

When there wasn't powdered milk, you used nondairy creamer. (3:15)

GROWING UP,MY PARENTS WEREN'T WEALTHY.

SO, THEY HAD TO FIND WAYSTO SAVE ON THE BARE ESSENTIALS.

MY MOTHER NEVER BOUGHTANYTHING BRAND-NAME--

FOOD, CLOTHING, WHATEVER.

I REMEMBER IN SECOND GRADE,SOME KIDS WERE TALKING

ABOUT WONDER BREAD THISAND WONDER BREAD THAT

AND I HAD NEVER HEARD OF IT.

I WAS WONDERING WHAT THE HELLTHEY WERE TALKING ABOUT...

'CAUSE OUR FAMILY GOTTAYSTEE BREAD--

T-A-Y-S-T-E-E.

FIRST OF ALL, THEY CAN'T SPELL,AND SECOND OF ALL, IT WASN'T.

THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT"WE KNOW YOUR ASS IS BROKE

AND THIS ISALL YOU CAN AFFORD BREAD"...

AND MY MOTHER ALWAYS GOTPOWDERED MILK, AND I HATED IT

BUT WHEN WE RAN OUT,MY BROTHER AND I

WOULD SUBSTITUTENON-DAIRY CREAMER.

WHAT THE HELL ISNON-DAIRY CREAMER?

I ONCE ASKED THE GUYAT THE GROCERY STORE.

I WAS, LIKE, "YOU KNOW,WHAT IS NON-DAIRY CREAMER?"

HE WAS, LIKE, "WELL,I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT IT IS

"BUT I CAN TELL YOUWHAT IT AIN'T--

DAIRY."

I'M THINKING HE OPTED

AGAINST THE Ph.D....

BUT THINK ABOUT IT:"NON-DAIRY" "CREAMER"--

TWO WORDSTHAT SHOULD NOT BE USED

TO DESCRIBE THE SAME PRODUCT...

KIND OF LIKE "TURKEY BACON."

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ONON THAT FARM?

WHO'S DOING WHO?

I WANT TO KNOW WHO'S DOING WHO

'CAUSE I GET A MENTAL PICTUREOF A PIG IN MACK-DADDY MODE.

HEY!

( clucking )

YEAH, GIRL.

WHAT'S UP?

( clucking )

AND MY FATHER REFUSEDTO GET AIR CONDITIONING

AND THEN TRIED TO CONVINCE USTHAT WE DIDN'T NEED IT.

HE SAID,"WHAT DO YOU NEED A.C. FOR?

THE BODY'S GOTIT'S OWN COOLING MECHANISM."

"WHAT'S THAT?"

"SWEATING."

THINK ABOUT IT.

WHEN YOU FIRST GETOUT OF THE SHOWER

YOU'RE ALWAYS COLD

BECAUSE THE MOISTUREON YOUR SKIN IS EVAPORATING

THEREBY COOLING THE BODY DOWN.

USING THIS SAME LOGIC

MY FATHER REFUSEDTO TURN UP THE HEAT

BECAUSE THE BODY HADITS OWN HEATING MECHANISM--

SHIVERING.

HE'D SAY, "I SEEYOUR TEETH ARE CHATTERING.

"YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

"HEAT.

"KINETIC ENERGY.

I BET YOUR TONGUE AIN'T COLD,IS IT?"

BUT, YOU KNOW

WHEN YOU GROW UPUNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES

YOU TEND TO BE AROUND OTHERS

WHO ARE STRUGGLING AS WELL--WE CALL THAT "THE HOOD"-- UM

AND THE KIDS IN MY NEIGHBORHOODUSED TO COMPETE

AS TO WHO WAS OVERCOMINGTHE MOST ADVERSITY

AND I REMEMBER HAVINGTHIS ARGUMENT WITH THIS GIRL.

I TOLD HER, "SINCE WE CAN'TAFFORD RAIN BOOTS

"WHEN IT RAINS,MY MOTHER PUTS PLASTIC BAGS

OVER MY SHOES...PUTS TAPE ON THE TOP."

SHE WAS, LIKE, "PLEASE...

"MY BROTHERS HAVE TO PLAYOUTSIDE IN SHIFTS

'CAUSE THEY ONLY HAVE ONE PAIROF SHOES BETWEEN THEM."

I WAS, LIKE, "WE CAN'T AFFORDA TOASTER OR EGGS.

"SO, WE JUST POUR SYRUPON WHITE BREAD... CALL IT

'COULD HAVE BEEN FRENCH TOAST.'"

SHE WAS, LIKE

"THAT AIN'T NOTHING.

"WE CAN'T AFFORD COOKING OIL.

SO, MY MOTHER USESPETROLEUM JELLY."

I WAS, LIKE, "DAMN!

YOU GOT ME!"

'CAUSE WE STRUGGLED

BUT I AIN'T NEVER HADNO VASELINE-FRIED CHICKEN.