Matt Fulchiron - Waste of Time

  • Season 15 , Ep 11
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 9,894

Matt Fulchiron loves the recession bringing everyone down to his financial level. (2:27)

Feeling goodabout myself.

I, uh, I was putting it offfor weeks and weeks and weeks.

Finally, yesterdaygot around to, uh,

quitting the gym.

Which, like...I hate the gym.

I don't think I've evergoing back to Curves.

You know what I mean?

Like... finally got mytitties down to a B-cup

but it's just, it's justnot worth it, man.

I hate the gym.

I hate driving aroundlooking for a parking spot

for a hour and a halfjust so I can go inside

and ride a bike thatdoesn't go anywhere

for 20 minutes.

[audience laughing]

That's all I do at the gym,pretend to ride a bike,

pretend to climb stairs,pretend to climb a ladder.

Like, as long asI'm pretending,

I'm gonna stay homeand watch TV

and pretend likeI'm at the gym...

Pretending to ride a bike.

[applause]

An applause breakfor laziness.

God bless America.

Been off marijuanasince 2:00 pm.

I feel good about that.

That's very exciting.

I think it's gonnawork out this time.

Marijuana is a waste of timeand a waste of money,

all right?

Got stoned two weeks ago.

Went to Las Vegasto gamble.

Spent an hour and a halfplaying a Coke machine.

Like, yeah, I wona prize every time...

but try cashing in500 Dr. Pepper's

they don't accept it.

Now I got no currency.

Try payinga hooker in soda.

They won't take iteither.

They're whores.

[audience laughing]

Hookers are the biggestwhores I know.

They act like [deleted]prostitutes.

No?

[audience laughing]

Glad to be working,right fifth row?

God damn right.

I need the money.

Broke as a bike lockin Newark.

Take that Newark.

You could have been New Yorkif you tried harder.

Or just pronounced your namea little bit different.

Everybody's on TV complainingabout the recession.

I love the recession.

Like, everybody'sfinally coming down

to my financial level.

Right?

I feel so good about that!

Love when everybody'sas broke as me.

I'm getting so much good[deleted] on Craigslist,

right now.

I just gota flat screen TV

with a built inmicrowave oven for $25.

[audience laughing]

I had to take the receiptto the goddamn doctor.

The deal was[deleted] sick.

[audience laughing]

Loading...