Jimmy Carr - T-Shirts

  • Season 9, Ep 3
  • 01/13/2005
  • Views: 7,662

Jimmy whips out an array of Jimmy Carr merchandise. (2:41)

WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE TALKING

TO YOU THIS EVENING.

I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT

BUT I WAS WONDERING WOULD YOU

BE INTERESTED IN SEEING SOME

JIMMY CARR MERCHANDISE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, EXCELLENT, GOOD.

I THINK YOU'VE MADE THE RIGHT

DECISION.

OTHERWISE WE'D BE HAVING SOME

QUITE TIME NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT I'VE GONE FOR IS THE

COMEDY T-SHIRTS.

SOME JIMMY CARR OWN-BRAND

COMEDY T-SHIRTS.

SO, I'LL SHOW YOU.

SEE WHAT YOU THINK.

THIS IS THE FIRST ONE THAT

I DESIGNED.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK IT'S RATHER GOOD.

IT'S--

[APPLAUSE]

HUSH NOW.

HUSH AND I'LL EXPLAIN.

IT SAYS, "I'M WITH STUPID."

SO THE IDEA IS YOU WEAR IT AND

THEN THE PERSON LOOKS.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEN ON THE BACK IT SAYS,

"THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF

SPECIAL NEEDS CARERS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS "THE CHRISTIAN ALLIANCE

AGAINST BAD LANGUAGE".

"CAN [BLEEP] OFF".

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS NEXT ONE THIS IS THE MOST

POPULAR T-SHIRT IN THE WORLD.

THEY'VE SOLD MORE OF THESE THAN

ANY OTHER, "JESUS LOVES YOU."

"HE'S NOT 'IN LOVE' WITH YOU."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS THE SORT OF THING YOU

MIGHT SEE DOWN IN FLORIDA.

"WORLD'S GREATEST LOVER."

"IF SPEED'S IMPORTANT TO YOU."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ACTUALLY A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO

I FAILED TO PERFORM SEXUALLY.

I'M NOT GONNA GO INTO DETAIL.

SUFFICE IT TO SAY I "ARRIVED"

EARLY.

AND MY GIRLFRIEND SAID, "DON'T

WORRY THAT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF

GUYS."

I SAID, "THERE'S TWO THINGS

THE MATTER WITH THAT."

"FIRSTLY, WHO ARE THESE 'A LOT

OF GUYS?'

AND SECONDLY IF IT'S HAPPENING

TO MORE THAN ONE OF US,

DON'T YOU THINK IT COULD BE

YOUR FAULT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, THIS IS THE LAST ONE.

I'LL HAVE TO LEAVE YOU WITH

THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'VE GOT ANY

FATHERS IN.

ANYONE A DAD?

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

IT'S "WORLD'S BEST DAD."

"I [BLEEP] YOUR MOM."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I'M AFRAID THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT

TIME FOR.

YOU'VE BEEN A BRILLIANT

AUDIENCE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH INDEED,

AND GOOD NIGHT.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

COMEDY CENTRAL.

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