PubLIZity - Wendy's Conversion

Season 3 , Ep 11 03/24/15 Views: 2,240

The Lizzes meet with Wendy Shawn to plan a party for his conversion to Judaism. (3:07)

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- WE HAVE A MEETINGWITH, LIKE, A SUPER-RICH CLIENT.

HE'S SO BUSY THAT 6:00 A.M.IS THE ONLY TIME HE COULD MEET.

LIZ!- YEAH?

- HONESTLY, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP.- MM-HMM.

I'M SLEEPY.

- THIS CLIENT COULD BE THE ONEWHO CHANGES THE GAME FOR US,

BECAUSE, HONESTLY,OUR COMPANY IS OUT OF MONEY.

THE COMPANY IS IN TROUBLE,AND I'M GONNA SAVE IT,

EVEN IF IT MEANS THAT WE HAVETO WORK WITH THE DEVIL HIMSELF.

[dramatic music]

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THISCONSULTATION "SCHNARTED," RIGHT?

[laughs]

- I'M LIZ.

I BANKRUPTED THE COMPANY,

AND NOW IT'S TIMEFOR ME TO GROW UP,

'CAUSE I'M LOOKING FOR LOVE.

- AND I'M LIZ.

I GOT BANGS!

- OUR P.R. FIRMIS CALLED PUBLIZITY.

- IT'S BASED OFF OUR NAMES.

- I LOVE YOUR SHOW.I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR SHOW.

- OH, MY GOD.- OH, MY GOD.

- HONESTLY, I'M MODEST.- YOU GO.

- I'M, LIKE, BASHFUL.I'M, LIKE, MODEST.

- YOU'RE SO SHY AND SMALL,AND YOU'RE SO LOUD AND HUGE.

- OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.

- I NEED TO DO A FULL CONVERSIONTO JUDAISM,

AND I NEED IT DONE NOW.

- OH, WOW.- THAT'S COOL.

- EVER SINCE I FLAT-LINED, LIKE,I JUST LOVE JEWS, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, THEY'RE SO FUNNY.

SO I NEED TO BECOME A MAN,OR WHATEVER,

SO THAT'S BAR MITZVAH.

- YOU'RE GONNA HAVEA BAR MITZVAH.

- SO I'LL LEARN YIDDISH

AND THEN GET CARRIED AROUNDON A CHAIR BY MEN.

- OH, MY GOD,WELCOME TO THE TRIBE.

WHAT I'M HEARINGIS THAT YOU WANT TO HAVE

SOMETHING, LIKE, FUNTHAT'S, LIKE, JEW...

- YOU KNOW, "JEWMANJI."

- "JEWMANJI."

- LIKE, RESPECTFULTO THE RELIGION OF JUDAISM,

BUT, LIKE,ALSO JUST DISGUSTING.

- JUMANJI IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE

BONNIE HUNT MOVIESTHAT THERE IS.

- I HAVE TONS OF MONEY.- MM.

I NEED TO BE WITHA SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE MAN,

SOMEONE WHO'S UPSTANDING,LIKE WENDY.

YOU ARE LITERALLY SUCH A STUD.

IT'S LIKE, WHAT THE HUNK?- THANK YOU.

- OH, YEAH.

- THERE'S GOT TO BEA CHRISTMAS TREE AT SOME POINT,

BECAUSE OTHERWISE MY PARENTSWON'T PAY FOR IT.

- I THINK IT'S REALLY COOLTHAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE CHRISTMAS

AT YOUR OWN BAR MITZVAH,BECAUSE, LIKE, HONESTLY,

I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY,LIKE, WHATEVER I CAN

TO CLOSE THIS DEAL.

FOR ME,IT'S A VERY PERSONAL MISSION,

BECAUSE, LIKE,I WANT TO RIGHT THE WRONGS

OF MY OWN BAT MITZVAH,

WHICH WAS, LIKE, A VERYTRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING.OH, MY GOD.

- AND THEN I NEED TO GET,LIKE, BRIS'D OUT.

I NEED TO CUT MY DICK APART.

IT'S, LIKE, NO BIG DEAL,

BECAUSE IT'S ALREADYA LITTLE DISEASE-Y THERE.

OVER THE YEARS, MY PENISHAS BECAUSE KIND OF "INFARCTED,"

SO, LIKE, IT'S GONNA BE GOODTO JUST CUT IT OFF.

- HE'S RICH.HE'S IMPOTENT.

I'M INTERESTED.

- [snorts] OH, MY GOD,I JUST HAD AN AMAZING IDEA.

WENDY SHAWN, YOU'RE GONNA HAVEA BRIS MITZVAH.

- WHAT?- OH, MY GOD.

- YOU JUST COME UP WITH THAT?- MM-HMM.

WE'LL GET THE DOCTOR OR RABBITO PERFORM THE BRIS HISSELF.

- RIGHT.- OH, NO.

MY GIRLFRIEND'S GONNAPERFORM THE BRIS--

A GORGEOUS JEWESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTINGCHUBBED UP BY A JEW.

- I THINK HE'S HAVINGA REAL "BARKTHROUGH."

- WOULD YOU HONOR MEBY LETTING ME TAKE YOU OUT

TO L.A. DELI TO GET A NOSH?

- OH, MY GOD, "CONGRATURITOS."

- YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND'SGONNA DO IT.

- THE WHOLE THING IS ABOUT HER.

I'M KIND OF PROPOSING TO HERAFTER I CONVERT.

- OH, MY GOD,THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

SO, LIKE, YOU HAVEN'TLOCKED IT DOWN YET.

LIKE, YOU HAVEN'T ASKEDTHAT SPECIFIC JEWISH WOMAN.

LIKE, YOU COULD ASKANOTHER JEWISH WOMAN.

LIKE, THERE ARE, LIKE, DIFFERENTJEWISH WOMEN, LIKE, AROUND.

- THIS IS GONNA BE SO "FARN."

- WHA--- DID YOU SAY IT WAS "FARN"?

- W-WAIT?

- "FARN."

- OH, MY GOD.

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