Greg Behrendt - Telemarketers

  • Season 4 , Ep 7
  • 01/14/2001
  • Views: 2,904

Greg Behrendt's difficult last name has a plus -- he knows when a telemarketer is on the phone. (3:05)

YEAH.

B-E-H-R...

(LAUGHTER)

E-N-D-T.

YEAH.

GREG BEHRENDT.

AND IT'S AN AWESOME LAST NAME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE I ALWAYS KNOW WHEN

PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SOLICIT ME

OVER THE PHONE.

YEAH.

I KNOW WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO

SELL ME STUFF UP OVER THE PHONE

BECAUSE THEY SCREW IT UP.

"HI, MR. BEHENDAHURT."

"OH, NO."

CLICK.

"HI, MR. BERNNAUGHT."

"BERNNAUGHT?

OH, NO."

CLICK.

ONE TIME SOMEBODY SAID,

"HEY, MR. MENDERMINT."

MENDERMINT?

THOSE AREN'T EVEN MY LETTERS.

AND DO YOU SPEAK CLICK?

NOW, LOOK, FOLKS.

I KNOW THAT IF YOU'RE IN PHONE

SALES, YOUR LIFE DIDN'T PAN OUT

THE WAY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD.

(LAUGHTER)

I KNOW THAT IF YOU SELL THINGS

OVER THE PHONE, THE DREAM WENT

AWRY SOMEWHERE.

AND YOU'RE WORKING IN A SWEATBOX

TRYING TO MAKE QUOTA SO YOU CAN

BUY SOME SPEED.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I HONOR YOUR PROCESS.

I DO.

BUT IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE NAME,

SKIP IT.

JUST SKIP IT.

DON'T SAY IT.

MR. BAHEND-- DON'T TRY WITH

MR. BAHENDERHURT.

FORGET IT.

HE WILL NOT BUY FROM YOU.

YOU HAVE HURT HIS FEELINGS...

TODAY.

THAT'S WHY I WAS VERY SURPRISED

WHEN I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM

THE L.A. TIMES.

I LIVE IN HOLLYWOOD.

'CAUSE THE PHONE RINGS.

AND I PICK IT UP, AND I GO,

"HELLO."

AND THIS GUY'S VOICE COMES ON

THE LINE, AND HE GOES, "GREG?"

(LAUGHTER)

AND I SAY, "YES," FOR THAT IS

INDEED WHAT I AM ALSO CALLED.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN HE DOES THIS WEIRD

THING.

HE GOES, "HEY, MAN.

IT'S EDDIE."

(LAUGHTER)

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW AN EDDIE.

YOU KNOW?

BUT HE SAID IT IN THAT WAY THAT

MAKES YOU GO, "OH, HEY.

HI-- HI, EDDIE.

HEY, IT'S EDDIE."

(LAUGHTER)

SO THEN HE GOES, L.A. TIMES.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT A LOSER I AM.

I THINK "HE MUST BE CALLING TO

INTERVIEW ME."

(LAUGHTER)

SO THEN HE SAYS, "DO YOU HAVE A

SUBSCRIPTION?"

OH, MAN.

BUT I DID, SO I SAID, "YES,

EDDIE.

I HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION."

AND THEN HE GOES, "SUNDAYS?"

AND I SAID, "YEAH, SUNDAYS,

TOO."

AND THEN HE GOES, "(BLEEP)."

(LAUGHTER)

THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY

(BLEEP).

THEY READ FROM A SHEET.

IT TELLS THEM WHAT TO SAY!

SO I WAS SO SURPRISED THAT HE

DID THAT, THAT I REPEATED IT

BACK.

I GO, "(BLEEP)?"

AND HE GOES, "YEAH, DUDE.

I CAN'T SELL (BLEEP)."

(LAUGHTER)

SO NOW I GET TWO COPIES OF

THE L.A. TIMES.

(LAUGHTER)

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