Robert Kelly - Romantic Proposal

  • Season 12 , Ep 22
  • 04/03/2008
  • Views: 10,123

Robert had a romantic proposal in Aruba all planned out. (2:58)

LIFE IS JUST NOT ROMANTIC.IT'S... IT'S JUST LIFE.

SHE'S NOT ROMANTIC, EITHER.

WHEN WE'RE HAVING SEX,SHE'S TRYING TO HAVE AN ORGASM.

SHE'S TRYINGTO GET TO THAT POINT.

THERE'S NOTHINGROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT MY GIRL DOESWHEN WE'RE HAVING SEX?

WHEN SHE'S GONNA HAVE AN ORGASM

SHE ACTUALLYPUSHES MY FACE INTO THE PILLOW

AND TELLS ME NOT TO SPEAK.THAT MAKES ME FEEL WONDERFUL.

'CAUSE APPARENTLYIF SHE SEES ME OR HEARS ME,

HER [BLEEP]SEIZES LIKE AN ENGINE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M LYING THERE.I'M LYING THERE LIKE MYFIRST NIGHT IN PRISON.

"JUST, TAKE WHAT YOU WANTAND LEAVE."

EVEN THE WAY I ASKED HER IS--WHEN I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME,

IT WASN'T EVEN ROMANTIC.I WANTED TO BE ROMANTIC.

GUYS, WHEN YOU SAY IN YOUR HEAD,

"I'M GONNA ASK THIS GIRLTO MARRY ME,"

IN YOUR HEAD YOU START THINKINGOF THE MOST ROMANTIC THING

YOU COULD POSSIBLE DO,LIKE A HOT AIR BALLOON.

AND WHEN WE REACH THE CLOUDS,I RELEASE DOVES.

AND THEN PRINCECOMES UP IN ANOTHER BALLOON.

"HE LOVES YOU! AI-YI-YI-YI-YAH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT NEVER EVER HAPPENSLIKE THAT-- EVER. IT DOESN'T.

I HAD IT ALL PLANNED OUT.WE WENT THE ARUBA,

AND WE WERE JUSTGOING ON VACATION.SHE HAD NO IDEA.

SO, I PLANNEDTHE SECOND DAY THERE,

WE WERE GONNA BE ON HORSEBACKAT SUNSET AT THE BEACH,

AND I WAS GONNAASK HER TO MARRY ME.

THEN WE WERE GONNA HOLD HANDSGALLOPING DOWN THE BEACH.

GO AND MAKE LOVE IN THE OCEAN.WAVES WERE GONNA CRASH OVER US.

STAR FISH AND DOLPHINS WEREGONNA PARK IT AND APPLAUD US.

"HEE, HEE, HEE.GOOD FOR YOU GUYS."

THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED.I ACTUALLY WOUND UP ASKING HER

THE LAST NIGHT IN ARUBA WITHFOUR HOURS LEFT ON OUR TRIP.

WE JUST GOT DONE HAVINGMEDIOCRE SEX AT BEST.

SHE HAD AN ORGASM. I DIDN'T.SHE WAS LIKE "DO YOU WANT ONE?"

I WAS LIKE, "NO.THERE'S PIZZA. I'M FINE."

I WAS JUST DOING THISTO GET TO THAT,

SO IF WE COULDHURRY THIS THING UP,

I CAN MOVE ONTO THE PIZZA.OH, BY THE WAY,

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?"I GUESS SO." OKAY. COOL.

THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED.THE ORIGINAL PLANWAS HORSEBACK RIDING.

BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG.MY BRAIN GOT ALL MESSED UP,

AND I GOT ALL NEGATIVEAND FREAKED OUT.

SO, I WAS LIKE, FORGET IT.WE'RE ACTUALLY ON THE HORSES.

IT WAS SUNSET ON THE BEACH.I WENT TO GIVE HER THE RING.

HER HORSE FLIPS OUT LIKEHE KNEW WHAT A DOUCHE I AM.

"NOOOO." NO, IT'S LIKE,IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

AND I'M NOT GIVING HERTHE RING NOW,

'CAUSE IT'S TOO FREAKED OUT,'CAUSE MY LUCK,

I'LL GIVE HER THE RING.HER HORSE WILL BUCK HER.

SHE'LL FALL OFF, SNAP HER BACK.I GOTTA RUN OVER THERE.

GET THAT FRIGGIN' RINGOFF HER FINGER

BEFORE ANYBODY SEES THE [BLEEP].GIVE ME THE RING.

"BUT I LOVE YOU."I LOVE THE OLD YOU.

NOT THE NEW YOU. FORGET THAT.NO WAY, IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

I'M NOT PUSHING YOUAROUND WAL-MART

FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS.THAT'S NOT GOING DOWN.

FORGET THAT.

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