Speed Roasting - Dog the Bargain Hunter - Uncensored

  • Season 2 , Ep 4
  • 01/29/2013
  • Views: 7,683

Gilbert Gottfried, Aisha Tyler and T.J. Miller help Jeff Ross roast his audience. (3:09)

You have to have really thickskin to be in our audience.

Who wants to get speed-roasted?

Hands up.

Hands up.

Stand up.

How are you, sir?

-Good.-All right.

Give this guy around of applause.

What's your name, sir?

-Rick.

-Rick.

Did you fuckingeat Steven Seagal?

-[inaudible] good.

-I'll do the jokes,all right, Wolfman.

I love the way your tits bounceup and down when you laugh.

Oh my god.

Uh, Aisha, is this yourtype of guy right here?

-Uh, you know, I think helooks like he could unload

a couple of trucks,which is nice.

And, you know, there'snothing wrong with a teamster.

I bet you he's gotsome shit in his pocket

he could fix something with.

-I'm a forklift driver,and I unload trucks.

AISHA TYLER: There you go.

Huh?

I'm not a roaster.

I'm a psychic.

I'm a psychic.

And I got to tellyou that that Costco

sweater is making you look--

RICK: Sam's Club.

AISHA TYLER: --relatively slim.

-Do you have a nose ring?

-Yes.

-Oh my god.

AISHA TYLER: Right?

She's adorable.

-What subject do you teach?

WOMAN: English.

-Oh my god.

Do you not know theEnglish for, "No,

I would not like a nose ring"?

AISHA TYLER: I you make a meanmacaroni salad, too, right?

WOMAN: No.AISHA TYLER: No?

-No.

AISHA TYLER: Are you sure?

-I bet you toss amean macaroni salad.

-Yes, yes, that's right.

That's what my boyfriend says.

GILBERT GOTTFRIED:You didn't tell me

Martin Lawrence wouldbe on this show.

-How you doing, sir?

-I'm doing great.

-All right.

When are you expectedto pass away?

-Give that the burnthat says "cremation."

-Most alcoholicshave a red nose.

You have a red face,head, and neck.

-How long have you been astunt man for Danny DeVito?

-What's your name, sir?

-Kevin.

-I love you on "Duck Dynasty."

What are you?

Dog the Bargain Hunter?

-Kevin, here's a little rule.

If your beard islonger than your hair,

then your dick issmaller than imaginable.

-While you're here, who's tuningbanjos for Mumford & Sons?

-This is my buddy, The Robe.

How you doing, Robe?

-Beautiful, thank you.

-Why do you wear thatrobe, and why does it

have such a bigpouch in the middle?

Is that for your integrity?

Do you have to carry it around?

-He's dressed foroutpatient surgery.

-I'm starving for some kebab.

You have no kebab?

That pocket's got tohave a kebab in it.

Oh, nice.

TJ MILLER: What is that?

AISHA TYLER: It's not a kebab.

-Is that a kebab?

JEFF ROSS: Yeah.

-You keep the kebabsin your pouch?

What are you?

A Middle Eastern kangaroo?

-I never know when someone'sgoing to want to a kebab.

-I don't know whatthe fuck that means.

-Let's give it up forall my volunteers.

Classic moment.

Thank you, Robe.

Thank you for watching.

Gilbert, you were great.

Thank you, buddy.

TJ, legend, legend.

Aisha, hilarious, as always.

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