Jake Johannsen - Security

Trilling, Daro, Attell Season 2, Ep 0221 05/20/1993 Views: 703

Jake likes to pretend he's James Bond in his own home. (2:08)

now out here in New York.

Not to worry, though,because I just

got a new home security system.

And so, you know, it's one ofthose ones where after I unlock

the door, I have 30 secondsto disarm the system or else

a really loud alarm goes off.

And this protects me but allfrom all but the deaf burglar.

Anyway, I wanted one thatwould like spray the place

with bullets, but then I, then Irealized that it would not only

kill the intruder, butdestroy the possessions

I was trying to protect.

And so then I thought,well, maybe poison gas,

but then I figured, well, whatif I set it off by accident,

which is fairly likely,since I like to,

when I come home, I like to makeit exciting by pretending I'm

James Bond and, you know, ifI don't turn it off in time,

it'll launch a nuclearattack against Russia.

And so, sometimesI drop my keys,

you know, to make alittle more exciting.

[humming james bond theme]

So I, actually, if youdon't turn it off in time,

it calls the police.

Well, first a companycalls me or calls the house

to make sure it's notme just pretending

I'm James Bond, uh, actually.

And I have to tell them thepassword-- there's a password.

Otherwise, a burglar wouldjust answer the phone,

yes, hello, well, ofcourse, it's Jake.

If I wasn't Jake, would Ibe answering Jake's phone?

Now turn off this alarm soI can enjoy my belongings.

But he can't do that, becauseI've made up of password.

Actually, I didn'tmake-- I mean,

I chose it from allthe possible words.

Probably, I should have usedone of my made-up words,

like gablurngle.

That way he couldn't knowwhat it was, you know.

I would, only me would know.

Yes?

Hello?

The password?

Gablurngle.

What do you meanwhat does it mean?

It means "gablurngle."

Now, turn it off, youidiot, it's gablurngling me.

That's what gablurngle means.