Jake Johannsen - Security

Season 2, 05/20/1993 Views: 704

Jake likes to pretend he's James Bond in his own home. (2:08)

now out here in New York.

Not to worry, though,because I just

got a new home security system.

And so, you know, it's one ofthose ones where after I unlock

the door, I have 30 secondsto disarm the system or else

a really loud alarm goes off.

And this protects me but allfrom all but the deaf burglar.

Anyway, I wanted one thatwould like spray the place

with bullets, but then I, then Irealized that it would not only

kill the intruder, butdestroy the possessions

I was trying to protect.

And so then I thought,well, maybe poison gas,

but then I figured, well, whatif I set it off by accident,

which is fairly likely,since I like to,

when I come home, I like to makeit exciting by pretending I'm

James Bond and, you know, ifI don't turn it off in time,

it'll launch a nuclearattack against Russia.

And so, sometimesI drop my keys,

you know, to make alittle more exciting.

[humming james bond theme]

So I, actually, if youdon't turn it off in time,

it calls the police.

Well, first a companycalls me or calls the house

to make sure it's notme just pretending

I'm James Bond, uh, actually.

And I have to tell them thepassword-- there's a password.

Otherwise, a burglar wouldjust answer the phone,

yes, hello, well, ofcourse, it's Jake.

If I wasn't Jake, would Ibe answering Jake's phone?

Now turn off this alarm soI can enjoy my belongings.

But he can't do that, becauseI've made up of password.

Actually, I didn'tmake-- I mean,

I chose it from allthe possible words.

Probably, I should have usedone of my made-up words,

like gablurngle.

That way he couldn't knowwhat it was, you know.

I would, only me would know.



The password?


What do you meanwhat does it mean?

It means "gablurngle."

Now, turn it off, youidiot, it's gablurngling me.

That's what gablurngle means.