Chris Hardwick - Former Juggler

11/10/12 Views: 5,677

During high school parties, Chris Hardwick and his friends would attempt to rock ladies into a sex froth with outmoded forms of entertainment. (1:44)

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When I was in high school,

I was a...

juggler.

Oh, my God, I said it.

Oh, it feels so goodto say it out loud.

Juggling.I was a juggler.

I carrieda prop bag everywhere.

I went--becauseI couldn't do sports,

and so in my headI was like,

"Oh, ladies will seemy hand-to-hand dexterity

and they will wantthese hands inside them."

Uh, first of all, flawed.

You're juggling balls.

That's the first thing.

Secondly, it does notwork that way at all.

All my friends and I,

we wanted to be, like,crazy circus people, right?

So I was a juggler.

I had another friendwho was a mime.

Another guy rode a unicycle.

Had another friend whowanted to be a circus midget.

His words, not mine.

I don't think "midget"is a friendly word.

I don't support its use.

I call them sliders.But whatever you want.

If there wasa high school party

that was in dangerof being too much fun,

here we'd come,

this rag tag groupof Renaissance fair kids

to liven up the party.

Whee!

"Is someone twistingballoon animals?"

"No, all the ovariesare drying up in the room.

"Fantastic.

"What other outmoded formsof entertainment

can we rock ladiesinto a sex froth with?"

"Why, I've hammer-tunedmy alpenhorn."

[imitates alpenhorn playing]

"That not working?

"Here's allthe wax cylinders

from the latestSlappy Danver songs."

♪ Sarsaparillain the summertime ♪

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