Chris Mata - Falling Down

Mata, Williams, Holmes, Smiley Season 9, Ep 912 08/20/2009 Views: 4,639

Chris Mata sheds a tear after tripping. (2:13)

I WAS AT THE GYM A FEW WEEKS AGO ON THE EXERCISE BIKE

AND IT WAS ALMOST CLOSING TIME. AND THIS HEAVYSET LADY

CAME AND SAT ON THE BIKE RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND GOES,

"I'M HERE TO LOSE WEIGHT." AND I WAS LIKE,

"WELL, YOU WAITED TILL THE LAST MINUTE, DIDN'T YOU?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT,I STILL LAUGH AT THINGSI KNOW I SHOULDN'T, MAN.

BUT SOME THINGS ARE JUST TOO FUNNY, YOU KNOW?

LIKE WHEN PEOPLE FALL DOWN. THAT'S FUNNY. RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT IS?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOWIF THEY'RE ALL RIGHT YET.

RIGHT?

AND FOR LIKE A SPLIT SECOND YOU JUST DON'T CARE.

'CAUSE THEY COULD BE BLEEDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

AND YOU'RE-- [LAUGHS]

"OOH, DANG. BUDDY, YOU ALL RIGHT? HOLY COW."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LIKE I'D RATHER FALL THAN TRIP, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE WHEN YOU FALL,YOU COULD JUST LAY THERE

AND NOT LOOK AT ANYBODY THAT SAW YOU DO IT, RIGHT?

YOU JUST LOOK AT THE GROUND AND GO, "I KNOW WHAT I DID."

[LAUGHTER]

BUT TRIPPING IS THE WORST, 'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

BUT WHEN I'M TRIPPING I LOOK AROUND...

TO SEE WHO'S WATCHING.

WHY DO I WANNA MAKE EYE CONTACT? THAT'S LIKE SAYING,

"HEY, WHY DON'T YOU SHARE THE LOWEST POINT IN MY LIFE WITH ME RIGHT NOW."

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE THE WORST TRIP EVER. LIKE HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT

THERE WAS A STEP UP OR A STEP DOWN?

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT? AND THERE WASN'T?

MAN, THAT HURTS.

'CAUSE WHETHER IT'S UP OR DOWN, MY LEG GOES LIKE THAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND TIME STOPS. I'M LIKE, "HOLY COW.

"I'M JUST GONNA COOL OUTRIGHT HERE FOR A SECOND.

"AND I'M GONNA WAIT FOR MY KNEE TO POP OUT OF MY HIP.

"AND THEN I'LL CATCH UP. AND THEN I'LL BE RIGHT ALONG."

AND MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE,"ARE YOU CRYING?"

AND I'M LIKE, "NO, I'M NOT.YOU KNOW I SAW SOMEBODY LITTER