Richard Jeni - Single or Married

  • Season 6 , Ep 3
  • 05/05/2002
  • Views: 6,166

Richard Jeni offers the key to a good relationship. (1:51)

APPLAUD IF YOU THINK IT'S BETTER

TO BE SINGLE THAN TO BE MARRIED.

(LIGHT APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT.

WE KNOW WHO THOSE PEOPLE ARE.

THOSE ARE THE SINGLE PEOPLE.

SINGLE OR MARRIED MAN.

MAN, IT'S A TOUGH CHOICE.

I THINK IT'S A CLOSE CHOICE.

SINGLE OR MARRIED.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO?

WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE LONELY

OR ANNOYED.

(LAUGHTER)

THOSE ARE YOUR--

WHICHEVER ONE MAKES YOU HAPPIER.

'CAUSE I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...

I WAS SINGLE FOR A LONG TIME.

AND IT WAS FUN BUT SOONER OR

LATER, YOU GET TIRED OF DRIVING

YOUR CAR WITHOUT A WOMAN SITTING

NEXT TO YOU MAKING YOU SO TENSE,

YOU CAN FEEL YOUR COLON TYING

ITSELF INTO A SQUARE KNOT.

BECAUSE TO ME, YOU JUST CAN'T

ENJOY DRIVING UNLESS SOMEBODY

IS SITTING NEXT TO YOU EVERY

THIRTY SECONDS MAKING THIS

NOISE.

AAH!

(LAUGHTER)

"WHAT?

WHAT?"

"THE GUY, DIDN'T YOU SEE

THE GUY?"

"I SAW THE GUY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT"--

"AAH!"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT DO YOU SEE?

THERE'S NOTHING THERE."

"AAH!"

"WHAT?"

"STOP IT!"

"YOUR EXIT'S COMING.

YOUR EXIT'S COMING.

YOUR EXIT'S COMING."

"YEAH, SO IS YOURS."

(LAUGHTER)

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

I'M TRYING TO"--

"AAH!"

"WHAT?"

SO, HOW DO YOU KEEP THE

RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER, FOLKS?

ONE WORD, HONESTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THAT'S THE KEY TO THE

RELATIONSHIP, HONESTY.

(APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

IF YOU CAN FAKE THAT, YOU'VE GOT

IT MADE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND PEOPLE SAY, "HEY, THAT'S NOT

ROMANTIC."

AND I GO, "NO, THAT'S WHAT

ROMANCE IS."

THERE IS NO ROMANCE WITHOUT SOME

LYING.

THAT'S WHAT ROMANCE IS.

A LITTLE BIT OF VASELINE ON THE

CAMERA LENS OF LIFE.

(APPLAUSE)

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