Carlos Alazraqui - Honorable Combat

  • Season 8 , Ep 10
  • 02/26/2004
  • Views: 3,080

HONORABLE COMBAT CAME UP.

ESPECIALLY RIGHT AT THE

BEGINNING PEOPLE WERE LIKE

GETTING ON THE IRAQIS,

YOU KNOW?

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE IRAQIS,

MAN.

PRETENDING TO SURRENDER AND

THEN OPENING FIRING, MAN.

THAT SUCKS.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

THAT'S DESPICABLE."

THAT'S THE END OF DIE HARD.

[LAUGHTER]

"DON'T TIP ME.

I LEARNED THIS FROM

BRUCE WILLIS.

YIPPEE KAY YEAH, MOTHER [BLEEP].

[SOUND OF GUNFIRE]

YOUR AMERICAN MOVIE.

[SOUND OF GUNFIRE]

AHA!"

[APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE HONORABLE COMBAT IS

RELATIVE IS IT NOT?

DURING THE OUR REVOLUTION

THE BRITS THOUGHT THAT WE WERE

DISHONORABLE.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE NOT

WEARING RED AND STANDING IN

STRAIGHT LINES.

THOSE SAVAGES.

[GUNSHOT]

OH, WHAT THE HELL?"

[LAUGHTER]

HONORABLE COMBAT?

IF WILLIAM WALLACE WERE ALIVE

TODAY-- BRAVE HEART--

HE'D LOOK AT BOTH SIDES.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT]

"YEAH, MR. IRAQI, HUH?

DRESSING LIKE A CIVILIAN.

EH?

AND RUNNING AWAY AND HIDING OUT.

WHY DON'T YOU PAINT YOUR

TACKLE PINK AND TAKE YOUR PUG

FOR A WALK, YOU LITTLE GREASY

BUTT FILL?"

[LAUGHTER]

"AND YOU, MR. AMERICAN,

SITTING IN A SUBMARINE 15

MILES OFF THE COAST, LAUNCHING

TOMAHAWKS INTO A HOSPITAL.

WHY DON'T YOU CRAWL UNDERNEATH

MY KILT AND PLAY AND [BLEEP],

YOU OVER PROTECTED,

PRETENTIOUS PRICK!"

[APPLAUSE]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT REAL COMBAT IS?

YOU HAVE TO WALK UP AND FACE

YOUR ENEMY RIGHT THERE AND GRAB

HIS THROAT WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND

AND WITH YOUR LEFT HAND REACH UP

THROUGH HIS SPHINCTER INTO HIS

COLON INTO HIS INTESTINES,

RIP OUT HIS BREAKFAST AND SAY,

"DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU TO

CHEW YOUR FOOD, YOU DESPICABLE

WASTE SPOTTY, MAGGOT FACED

[BLEEP]?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AHHH!

[APPLAUSE]

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