Roseanne Barr - A Bit of Advice

Season 1 , Ep 101 08/12/12 Views: 39,055

Roseanne voices her disappointment with the members of the dais. (1:41)

GREETINGS, ROSEANARACHISTS!

[cheers and applause]

I JUST WANT TO SAYTO ALL OF MY PEERS,

WHEN COMEDY CENTRAL CALLS YOU

AND TELLS YOUTHEY WANNA HONOR YOU--

AND THEY WILL--

JUST HANG THE FUCK UP.

I GOT A DAIS HALF FULLOF FUCKIN' LOSERS.

I'VE SEEN PEOPLE IN FRONTOF HOME DEPOT

LESS DESPERATE FOR WORK.

[laughter]

ALL I KNOW IS I BETTERGET MY GODDAMN PARKING VALIDATED

OR SOME ASSHOLE'SGETTIN' FIRED!

[cheers and applause]

WHERE THE HELL ARE THE STARS?

CHRIST, I MUST HAVE PISSED OFFEVERYBODY I'VE EVER KNOWN.

I HAD A NUMBER ONE NETWORK SHOW,

I WAS IN A MOVIEWITH MERYL STREEP,

AND I GET AMY FUCKIN' SCHUMER?

[laughter]

MERYL STREEP WON THREE OSCARS.

THIS BITCH CAME IN FOURTHON LAST COMIC STANDING.

[cheers and applause]

- THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOTES.

- BUT I GUESS YOU PEOPLEARE THE ONLY ONES

WHO CAN TAKETHE ROSEANNE RETORT.

SINCE I AM THE MEANEST,BADDEST BITCH ON EARTH!

[cheers and applause]

THANK YOU.

[chuckles]

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