Ted Alexandro - Figure Skating

  • Season 5 , Ep 7
  • 08/12/2001
  • Views: 4,130

Ted likes to watch figure skaters fall on TV. (2:18)

YOU GUYS LIKE FIGURE SKATING?

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT?

I LIKE WHEN THEY FALL.

(LAUGHTER)

RIGHT?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT

GOING TO WIN.

LIKE WHEN YOU FALL,

I SAY JUST GET OFF THE ICE.

JUST TIP YOUR WEDGY ASS OFF

THE ICE AND HOPE THAT NOBODY

NOTICES.

'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY DO FOR

THE REST OF YOUR PROGRAM,

BACK FLIPS, DRIVE THE ZAMBONI,

MAKE SNOW CONES FOR THE JUDGES.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN.

IT'S LIKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST,

IF YOU HIT SOMEBODY...

PULL OVER, YOU'RE NOT GETTIN'

YOUR LICENSE.

RESCHEDULE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO I SAW SOMETHING FUNNY

THE OTHER DAY--

I SAW A COP ON A BIKE.

YOU'VE SEEN THIS, I'M SURE.

COP... UMM...

ON A BIKE.

AREN'T WE GETTING A LITTLE TOO

RECREATIONAL HERE?

I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT,

SEE A COP ON A POGO STICK?

RIGHT?

HE'LL BE LIKE...

(LAUGHTER)

"PULL OVER.

PULL OVER.

DON'T MAKE ME CALL THE JUMP ROPE

SQUAD."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I WOULD THINK THE SQUAD CAR COP

IS TO THE COP ON A BIKE AS THE

SKETCH ARTIST IS TO THE

ETCH-A-SKETCH ARTIST.

IT'D BE LIKE, "WHAT'D HE LOOK

LIKE?

OKAY...

(LAUGHTER)

WAS HE GOING DOWNSTAIRS,

BY CHANCE?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

NO.

OKAY.

OKAY.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

WHAT'S THAT?

HE HAD A SCAR?

WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME

THAT."

(LAUGHTER)

Loading...