Bobby Wants a New Best Friend

Kevin Nealon & Jordan Rubin Season 2, Ep 13 09/23/2003 Views: 27,795

Bobby explains to a no-kill animal shelter that he needs to adopt a cute dog to get out of his dating slump. (2:23)

( phone ringing )

>> Good afternoon, ... speaking.

Can I help you?

>> Hi, this is Bobby Fletcher.

>> Hi, how are you?

>> Good. How are you?

>> Good.

>> I'm just wondering what kind

of dogs you have there I might

be able to adopt.

>> Uh, you looking for small or


>> Uh, I don't know.

Something that's kind of cute.

>> Okay. We got a cocker spaniel

that's really cute.

>> Yeah?

>> Five-months old.

Got a seven-month-old Golden

Retriever who's really cute.

>> What kind of dog's going to

get someone's attention while

I'm walking it, is what I'm

trying to say?

>> What do you mean?

>> You know, when I'm walking

through the park or whatever.

Are people going to come up and

say how cute it is?

>> ( laughs )

Um, I would say the Cocker


>> The Cocker Spaniel?

>> Yeah.

>> So you think I'll get some

hot chicks coming up and saying

how cute the dog is?

>> Sure. Why not? Uh-huh.

>> Okay, 'cause that's what I'm

looking for.

>> ( laughs ) Okay.

>> So what do I have to do?

>> Well, if you want to come

down and take a look...

( belches )

...we can give you an


>> I'm not really a dog person,

but, you know, I'm in a big

slump, so I got to meet women


My friend said if you have a

dog, they just come running up

to you.

>> Right.

>> So when I'm done with it,

what do I do?

I bring it back to you guys or

something or?

>> Absolutely not.

This is a lifetime commitment.

>> What's that?

>> We're looking for lifetime


>> I can't have the dog for


>> Okay, then you can't adopt.


>> I'm going to bust out of my

slump eventually.

I don't need her for life.

>> We adopt for people that want


>> Well, I do want a pet, you


>> I'm very sorry, sir.

I don't think we can help you


>> You guys are going to put the

dog to sleep, so why not take it

off your hands for few weeks?

>> No. We're a no-kill shelter.

>> A no what?

>> A no-kill shelter.

We don't put dogs to sleep.

>> What do you do with them if

no one adopts them?

We hold onto them until they get


>> Well, let me just borrow her

for a few weeks.

>> No, we don't do that, sir.

>> I've been with three fat

chicks in the last few months.

I got to bust out.

I got to meet some hot girl.

>> Well, I'm a fat chick.

>> Huh.

>> Excuse me. I'm a fat chick,

and I take offense to that.

>> I didn't mean it towards you.

>> I cannot continue this

conversation any longer.

>> I don't understand what the

problem is.

Was I with you?

>> I'm very sorry, but I cannot

continue this conversation with


>> I don't want a bunch of queer

dudes trying to pet my filthy

animal, you know?

>> Hold on one second.

I'll let you speak to the


>> I want to speak to you.

>> Can I help you with


>> Yeah. Who's this?

>> My name is Lani.

>> Hi, Lani. How fat is Chris?

>> That's an inappropriate


>> No, she just said she was


( receiver clicks )