Anthony Griffith - Mom

Anthony Griffith & Wayne Federman Season 1, Ep 0160 02/24/1992 Views: 2,031

Anthony has never hit his mother. (2:55)

THAT'S A FUNNY MOVIE, MAN.

THAT'S THE BRITISH VERSION

OF HOW THEY CONQUEREDTHE ZULU NATION.

YOU HAD A MILLION ZULU WARRIORS

AND FIVE BRITISH SOLDIERSWHO KILLED EVERYBODY.

NEVER RELOADED ONCE, AND ALLTHE GUYS WOULD DIE THE SAME:

( imitates gunshot )

( imitates man speaking Zulu )

( gunshot )

( imitates Zulu )

THEN THEY'D JUST STARTMAKING UP THINGS TO SAY.

"OOLAY FOO-FOO SEA MFUA."

( laughter )

( gunshot )

"KRIS KROSS WILL MAKE YA."

( laughter )

"DADDY MAC WILL MAKE YA."

THEY WEREN'T EVENREAL ZULU WARRIORS, MAN.

THEY WERE JUST GUYS FROM,LIKE, 42nd AND CRENSHAW.

THEY WERE THROWING SPEARS.

YOU SEE ROLEX WATCHES STILLON THEIR HAND

L.A. RAIDER CAPS STUCKIN THEIR BACK POCKET.

I DON'T KNOW.

I LIKE PERFORMING.

I MAJORED IN THEATER IN COLLEGE.

MY SCHOOL PUT ON PLAYS LIKE OKLAHOMA, ANNIE GET YOUR GUN--

PLAYS IN WHICH I REALLY COULDN'TSHOWCASE ALL MY TALENT.

I JUST GOT TIREDOF SAYING THINGS LIKE

"MO' BISCUITS, SIR?"

( applause and laughter )

I DID A LOT OFTHINGS IN COLLEGE.

I PLAYED A LITTLE BASKETBALL--VERY LITTLE.

I WAS KNOWN AS THE "MINUTE MAN."

"COACH, CAN I PLAY NOW?"

"IN A MINUTE, MAN, IN A MINUTE."

( laughter )

I EVEN TRIED BODY-BUILDING

BUT I THINK YOU CAN ONLYEXCEL IN BODY-BUILDING

IF YOU HAVE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

THAT CAN ONLY COME ABOUTDUE TO CONSTIPATION.

I MEAN, FACES LIKE THESE.

( laughter )

( laughter )

( laughter and applause )

I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD CLAPOR GIVE THEM A BOX OF PRUNES.

"GO AWAY, MAN,IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

GO TO THE BATHROOM, MAN."

I LIKE BOXING, TOO, MAN,ESPECIALLY GEORGE FOREMAN.

HE SCARES ME, THOUGH.

GEORGE NAMEDALL HIS KIDS AFTER HIM.

HE GOT FIVE BOYSALL NAMED GEORGE.

DAUGHTER NAME IS GEORGETTE.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME

BOXING DOES NOT AFFECTTHE MIND AFTER THAT, MAN.

I WOULD NEVER FIGHT GEORGE,EVEN IF I HAD TO CHOOSE

BETWEEN FIGHTING GEORGEOR MY MOTHER.

MY MOTHER WOULD GET WHOOPED.

I'D BE IN THE RING GOING,"STAY DOWN, MAMA."

I'VE NEVER HIT MY MOTHER.

I TRIED TO HIT MY MOTHER ONCEAND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID

"IF YOU EVER HIT ME, THAT WILLBE THE LAST THING YOU EVER DO."

AND I KNEW SHE WAS DEAD SERIOUS

JUST BY THE WAYSHE COCKED THAT GUN TO MY HEAD.