Jackie Kashian - Parade Rainers

  • Season 7 , Ep 4
  • 02/27/2003
  • Views: 3,485

You are allowed to be excited when you see a celebrity, and no one should tell you otherwise. (2:37)

YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT!

OH, MY GOD!

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

IT'S VERY EXCITING, YES.

UM--

HMM, THERE'S SOME STARING.

PERHAPS YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW

THAT THESE CLOTHES--

A LITTLE TOO TIGHT.

HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENED.

UM, I HAVE RECENTLY LOST SOME

WEIGHT.

I WANT TO WHORE IT UP TOO SOON.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES,

AND I MOVED FROM MINNESOTA TO

LOS ANGELES.

AND IT WAS VERY SCARY TO MOVE

TO LOS ANGELES 'CAUSE I THOUGHT

THAT EVERYONE WOULD BE MEAN.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THERE MIGHT

ACTUALLY BE SOME SHOUTING

ON THE STREETS, YOU KNOW.

"HEY, WE'RE TRYING TO SHOOT

"CHARMED", GET THE HELL OUT OF

THE WAY."

BUT NO, EVERYONE WAS VERY NICE,

VERY POLITE.

ONE BAD INCIDENT.

I WAS AT MY FIRST HOLLYWOOD

PARTY TRYING TO FIT IN, RIGHT,

TRYING NOT TO SWEAT.

AND THIS WOMAN, WHO I'VE JUST

MET, COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS,

"HEY, JACKIE, THERE'S CAKE."

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, YOU'LL WANT A PIECE

OF CAKE.

WOW, NO, THANK YOU.

CAKE IS NOT MY DOWNFALL.

I AM NOT RETAINING EXCESS CAKE.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU GOT A PIECE OF CHICKEN BACK

THERE I'M ALL OVER IT--

'CAUSE I LOVE CHICKEN!

BUT THE TRULY BAD PEOPLE IN

L.A.--

AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

THEY'RE COMIN' TO YOUR TOWN,

TOO.

DON'T THINK THEY WON'T BE HERE.

THEY'RE THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO

RAIN ON YOUR PARADE, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, I HAVE SEEN SOME FAMOUS

PEOPLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

AND YES, YOU CAN MOCK ME IF

I GO BANANAS OVER SEEING LIKE--

I DON'T KNOW, SCREECH, OKAY?

IF I SAW SCREECH AND I WON'T

SHUT UP ABOUT IT, YEAH,

MOCK AWAY.

BUT I SAW KEANU REEVES--

I SAW KEANU REEVES IN PERSON,

AND HE WAS ALL HANDSOME.

AND I WAS TELLING A FRIEND

OF MINE, WHO WAS--

A PARADE-RAINER, AND I DIDN'T

KNOW.

AND I SAID, "YOU KNOW,

I SAW KEANU REEVES AND HE WAS

VERY HANDSOME."

AND SHE SAID, "YEAH, HE'S CUTE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S GAY."

(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GAY.

YOU WHAT I DO KNOW?

NEVER GONNA BE AN ISSUE.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'RE NOT GONNA DATE.

I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE TO SAY

ANYTHING TO THE CATERERS 'CAUSE

KEANU'S CANCELLED, YOU KNOW?

OH!

I DON'T EVEN THINK HE'S

THE BRIGHTEST BULB ON THE TREE,

QUITE HONESTLY.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T KICK HIM OUT

OF BED IF HE WANTED TO DISCUSS

PHILOSOPHY, THOUGH I MIGHT SAY

"SHH!"

(LAUGHTER)

"YOU'RE SO PURTY.

JUST LIE THERE AND THINK

OF ENGLAND."

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