Larry Miller - Level Five

Larry Miller & Ellen Degeneres Season 1, Ep 0131 02/24/1992 Views: 2,307

The worst part about level five is the sun. (2:42)

( breathy whistle )

AFTER UNSUCCESSFULLYTRYING TO GET YOUR MONEY BACK

AT THE TATTOO PARLOR...

( laughter )

"YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOWANYONE NAMED RUBY."

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WIND UP ACROSS THE STATE LINE

IN A BAR FILLED WITH GUYSWHO'VE BEEN IN PRISON

AS RECENTLY AS THAT MORNING--

A PLACE WHERE EVENTHE DEVIL IS GOING

"I GOT TO TURN IN, BYE-BYE.

"NO, I GOT TO BEIN HELL AT 9:00.

I GOT THAT BRUNCH WITH HITLER,I CAN'T MISS THAT."

( laughter )

YOU'RE ALL DRINKING SOMEKIND OF THICK BLUE LIQUOR.

IT'S USUALLY USEDTO CLEAN COMBS.

( laughter )

A WAITRESS WITH FRESH STITCHESIN HER HEAD COMES OVER...

AND YOU'RE THINKING, "SOMEDAYI'M GOING TO MARRY THAT GIRL."

AND SUDDENLY ONE OF YOUR FRIENDSSTANDS UP AND SCREAMS

"WE'RE DRIVING TO FLORIDA!"

AND PASSES OUT.

YOU EVER MAKE ONEOF THOSE TRIPS, BY THE WAY?

I TELL YOU, THAT RIDE BACKIS MIGHTY QUIET.

( laughter )

"YOU WANT TO QUITTHAT WHISTLING?"

YOU CRAWL OUTSIDE FOR AIR

AND YOU HIT THE WORST PARTOF LEVEL FIVE, THE SUN.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YOU WALK OUT OF A BARIN DAYLIGHT

AND PEOPLE ARE ON THEIR WAYTO WORK, OR JOGGING...

AND THEY LOOK AT YOU,AND THEY KNOW.

AND THEY SAY, "WHO'S RUBY?"

( laughter )

LOOK, FOLKS, LET'S BE HONEST.

IF YOU'RE 19 AND YOU STAY UPALL NIGHT, IT'S A VICTORY.

IT'S LIKE YOU BEAT THE NIGHT.

YOU REMEMBER THAT FEELING.

YEAH, BUT IF YOU'RE OVER 3O

THAT SUN IS LIKEGOD'S FLASHLIGHT.

( laughter )

( applause )

WE ALL SAY THE SAME PRAYER THEN.

SAY IT WITH ME NOW.

I SWEAR...

All:I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.

HOW LONG?

All:AS LONG AS I LIVE.

AND SOME OF US HAVETHAT LITTLE ADDITION:

AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT.