Roast Battle - Sarah Tiana vs. Mike Lawrence

Roast Battle - Night Four - Uncensored Season 1, Ep 5 07/31/2016 Views: 11,786

Mike Lawrence and Sarah Tiana verbally spar about working at McDonald's, sports and promiscuity in the final match that determines the Roast Battle champion. (2:51)

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(bell ringing)

- Mike worked at McDonald's for eight years.

And I think we all know why he doesn't work there anymore.

They took away all the incentives.

I mean, they tore down all the playgrounds.

(audience laughing)

- Really lucky that both your opponents

look like pedophiles.

(audience laughing)

You know, people are asking me tonight

if I'm gonna put Sarah in her place.

She's a 38-year-old woman in comedy.

There isn't one.

(audience laughing)

- That's amazing, that's funny.

Mike hates sports, obviously.

For someone who doesn't like sports,

you sure do look a lot like a 49er.

Oh, It's Canada, (bleep) me.

(audience laughing)

Goddamn it.

- I'm sure someone will after.

(audience laughing)

Sarah's vagina is like a bar.

It's dank, full of drunk dicks,

and children are immediately forced to leave.

(audience laughing)

- Don't clap at that.

Don't clap at that.

That's ridiculous.

Like that joke was likeeveryone tampon I've ever used.

Despite what I've beentold, I'm never shocked.

(audience laughing)

I don't know, go ahead.

Sure, why not?

Nobody cares.

No, I care.

- Sarah, you know,people think she's slut,

she's actually a real prude.

She won't even put out new material.

(audience laughing)

- [Voiceover] Last joke of the battle.

- Wow, thank you Dirt Vonnegut,that was really funny.

(audience laughing)

Oh man.

I don't know if you guys know this,

but Mike sucked a dick in college.

He's very open about it.

That means between the two of us on stage,

we both know how to swallow a ball,

but he doesn't know how to throw one.

(audience laughing)

- Sarah does lots of tours for the troops.

Finally, a drone they send overseas that never kills.

(audience laughing)