- Mike worked at McDonald's for eight years.
And I think we all know why he doesn't work there anymore.
They took away all the incentives.
I mean, they tore down all the playgrounds.
- Really lucky that both your opponents
look like pedophiles.
You know, people are asking me tonight
if I'm gonna put Sarah in her place.
She's a 38-year-old woman in comedy.
There isn't one.
- That's amazing, that's funny.
Mike hates sports, obviously.
For someone who doesn't like sports,
you sure do look a lot like a 49er.
Oh, It's Canada, (bleep) me.
- I'm sure someone will after.
Sarah's vagina is like a bar.
It's dank, full of drunk dicks,
and children are immediately forced to leave.
- Don't clap at that.
Don't clap at that.
Like that joke was likeeveryone tampon I've ever used.
Despite what I've beentold, I'm never shocked.
I don't know, go ahead.
Sure, why not?
No, I care.
- Sarah, you know,people think she's slut,
she's actually a real prude.
She won't even put out new material.
- [Voiceover] Last joke of the battle.
- Wow, thank you Dirt Vonnegut,that was really funny.
I don't know if you guys know this,
but Mike sucked a dick in college.
He's very open about it.
That means between the two of us on stage,
we both know how to swallow a ball,
but he doesn't know how to throw one.
- Sarah does lots of tours for the troops.
Finally, a drone they send overseas that never kills.