It's clear that despitetheir best efforts, uh,
Russia has failed to shift thepolls in Donald Trump's favor.
You know, so, yesterday,Trump turned
to his other Eastern Europeanally for help.
That's right.Melania Trump sat down
with both CNN and Fox Newsin what I assume
was the most modest roomin their Fifth Avenue penthouse
to defend her husbandagainst, uh, accusations
of rampant pussy grabbing.
And that room is so extreme.Can I just...
Is there anything not goldin that room?
Like, maybe Trumpdoesn't actually have a tan.
He's just covered in gold dustfrom his house,
just, like, touching things.
And... Oh, and in case you'rewondering why it took Melania
ten days since the Billy Bushtape to speak out,
well, from the looks of it,she was using that time
to practice her lines.
He's kind. He's a gentleman.
He's kind.He's a gentleman.
I was surprised,
because that is not the manthat I know.
That is not the personthat I know.
But my husband is real.He's raw.
He tells it as it is.
My husband-- he's raw, and he'sreal, and he tells it as it is.
That all the... allegations
should be... handled
-in a court of law.-in a court of law.
-And without the evidence-And to accuse--
no matter who these,a man or a woman--
-To accuse somebody, a manor a woman -without evidence--
-It's, um... it damaging...-It's damaging,
-and it's unfair.-and it's unfair.
-(laughter and groaning)-Wow.
Hey, look on the bright side.
At least she's onlyplagiarizing herself now.
-(laughter) -So that's progress.That is progress.
-(cheers and applause)-That is progress.
We've got to appreciate that.
But beyond some well-rehearsedtalking points,
Melania was able to introducesome new and creative spin
about why her husband saidsuch awful things on that tape.
When you first heard it,what did you think?
And I wonder, um,
if they even knewthat the mic was on.
Because they were kind of a...a boy talk.
And, uh, he was... lead on,
like, uh, egg on,
from, uh, the host
to say... um, dirtyand bad stuff.
You feel the host,Billy Bush, was sort of
-egging him on?-Yes. Yes.
So-so wait. So wait.
You're telling me the guy,
the guy who sayshe's gonna tax China,
wall Mexico,and knock the hell out of ISIS--
that guy can't handle himself ina conversation with Billy Bush?
-That's what you're saying?He got egged on? -(laughter)
Yeah, apparently Donald Trumpgives in to peer pressure
a lot quicker than we realize.
You just got to suggest a fewthings, and... Oh, wait.
Oh, I... I think I just came upwith a solution
to all our problems. Hold on.
Hey, Donald Trump,
have you ever triedvolcano jumping, man?
-(laughter)-It is so cool.
It's when you jumpinto a volcano.
But not everyone can do it.You're supposed to only do it
if you have, like,a mega-big penis
and have, like, sex with lotsof supermodels, you know.
But anyway, got to go.
-(laughter) -So, uh,where was I? Where was I?
-(applause and cheering)-All right. All right.
Uh, Melania.Melania, was desperately trying
to excuse her husband'ssexual assault talk.
COOPER: He described itas locker room talk.
I mean, you sort ofalluded to that, as well.
Is that what it is to you--just locker room talk?
Yeah, it's-it's kind of, uh,two teenage boys.
Actually, they shouldbehave better, right?
He was 59.
Anderson Coopershut her down so quick!
He was so quick."Two teenage boys."
Even the angels painted on theceiling were like, "Oh!"
(laughter,applause and cheering)
How are you gonna say thatwith a straight face?
Your 59-year-old husbandis a teenage boy?
How is that...? Oh, okay.
But I guess I understand that,because if you converted,
then 59 is technically only 16in douche years.
-Yeah, so that makes sense.It makes sense. -(laughter)
If he does actlike a teenage boy,
why would we let himbe president? Think about that.
I wouldn't even trust a teenagedboy with a pair of socks,
-much less nuclear weapons.-(laughter and groaning)
I do feel bad for her,especially because
she seems likea pretty nice person.
Last time you and I spoke,you talked about
what you would hopeto do in the White House.
Have you given more thoughtto that?
Well, my passion is the same--
helping childrenand helping women.
Uh, and also, I see nowin 21st century,
the social media-- it's verydamaging for the children.
We need to guide them andteach them about social media,
because I see a lotof negativity on it.
-And, uh, we need to help them.-There's a lot
-of bullying that goes ononline. -A lot of bullying.
That's a smart moveby Melania Trump,
pledging to fightonline bullying.
Yeah. Because you realizeshe can probably cut it in half
just by takingher husband's phone away.
-(laughter) -Nicely played,Melania. Nicely played.
-Yes.-(applause and cheering)
Is she gonna say thatwith a straight face?
Has she seenDonald Trump's tweets?
Melania fightingcyber bullies is like
if Ted Cruz's wife started acampaign to end creepy smiles.
-(laughter) -You got to startat home is what I'm saying.
But I'm not the only one who'ssympathizing with Melania.
In fact, our own Desi Lydic
had the chance to sit down
with Melania yesterday, as well.
(whispers):Listen, I can help you escape.
-I have a car outside.-I'm doing great.
Look, we don't have timefor games.
I put my pussy on the lineto come here and get you.
-Don't you want to be free?-Never thought about that.
Well, think about it now.This is your chance.
Why now?Why after, uh, so many years?
Why three weeksbefore the election?
Because he's distracted.He won't even notice you're gone
for, like, a month--it's perfect.
Okay, look, just stare at meand blink if you want my help.
Okay, blink again.
One more time.
All right, let's do this.
You know how to rappel, right?
Slow down, Melania!
MELANIA:I'm free! I'm free!