Sandra Bernhard - Ripped Shirt

Cathy Ladman & Barry Sobel Season 1, Ep 0162 02/24/1992 Views: 1,585

An audience member couldn't find anything better to wear than this ripped shirt. (2:22)

THEY COULDN'T GET ENOUGHTHE FIRST TIME.

Man:YEAH!

HI, SWEETIE.

HI, HONEY.

I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH EITHER.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, IT'S A SCRIPT.

IT'S A BOOK.

OH, MY GOD-- THE AIDS CHRONICLES.

SHOULD I START READING IT NOW?

( laughter )

ARE YOU GETTING IT PUBLISHED?

OH, IT IS-- BRAVE SOLDIERS PRESS.

I'LL HELP YOU,I'LL SEND IT TO MY PUBLISHER.

GOD KNOWS THAT THEY SHOULD DOSOMETHING DECENT

INSTEAD OF ALL THE TRASH THEY'REPUBLISHING LIKE MY BOOKS.

( laughter )

GREAT, AND YOU'RE IN A.A.

OKAY, SO WE'RE 12-STEPPING.

I'LL CALL YOU LATERAND APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING.

BUT FIRST, LET ME HURT YOU.

I'LL BE GUARDING THIS...

I BET IT'S FABULOUS.

I'LL READ IT AND I'LLCATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS.

I'D LIKE TO SPENDTHE WHOLE NIGHT TALKING TO YOU

BUT THE REST OF THE AUDIENCEMIGHT GET OFFENDED.

I DON'T WANT TO HURTANY OF THEM.

SO, GOD, WHAT ISHAPPENING TONIGHT?

NOTHING.

THE USUAL KOOKINESS,THE COMEDY REVUES.

WHAT HAS HAPPENEDTO YOUR SHIRT, HONEY?

NO, NEXT TO YOU.

DID YOU GET IN A BRAWL

OR IS IT SUPPOSEDTO LOOK LIKE THAT?

SO WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?

Woman:I COULDN'T FINDANYTHING TO WEAR.

YOU COULDN'T FINDANYTHING TO WEAR?

AND THAT'S STILLIN YOUR WARDROBE?

YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME SEE IT.

LET ME GET A LITTLE CLOSER,COME HERE.

NO, LET ME SEE THE ARM ON IT.

CAN I JUST RIP ITA LITTLE BIT MORE?

( cheering )

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TAKETHAT FABRIC HOME, BECAUSE...

LIKE LATER IF SOMETHINGHAPPENED TO YOU, GOD FORBID

AND THEY FOUND THAT LITTLEPIECE OF FABRIC AT MY HOUSE

THEY WOULD ACCUSE MEOF THE MURDER.

( laughter )

LIKE JUST A THREAD EMBEDDEDIN LIKE MY CARPET SOMEWHERE

BUT THEY WOULD FIND IT.

( laughter )