Doug Benson - Working on Segues

  • Season 8 , Ep 11
  • 03/04/2004
  • Views: 7,833

Doug Benson hopes you enjoy his segues. (3:40)

WOW, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT ALREADY.

DAMN!

I FEEL KINDA BAD BECAUSE I HAVESOME UM, SOME UH, BAD NEWS.

I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS AND I'VE GOTBAD NEWS.

THE BAD NEWS IS I'VE BEENFARTING A LOT LATELY.

[LAUGHTER]BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS IT SMELLS

LIKE McGRIDDLES.

[LAUGHTER]I LOVE McGRIDDLES.

HOW YA DOIN', NEW YORK?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]MAN, THIS IS A SEXY CROWD.

YOU GUYS ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE.

I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO EACH ANDEVERY ONE OF YOU...

[LAUGHTER]BUT ONLY A LUCKY FEW WILL BE

CHOSEN.

CROSS YOUR FINGERS.

A LOT OF COMEDIANS WORK REALLYHARD ON THEIR JOKES, WHICH

I THINK IS AWESOME.

YOU KNOW?

I THINK IT'S TOTALLY THE WAYTO GO, IF YOU'RE A COMEDIAN,

DO JOKES.

IT'S PERFECT.

BUT WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING LATELYIS WORKING ON MY SEGUES.

THOSE ARE THE TRANSITIONSBETWEEN THE JOKES THAT LET THE

AUDIENCE KNOW THAT YOU'VECHANGED TOPICS.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

SO, I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY JOKESTONIGHT, BUT I HOPE YOU REALLY

ENJOY MY SEGUES.

LET'S GET STARTED.

[LAUGHTER]I RECENTLY GOT TEVO WHICH IS

THIS AWESOME INVENTION THATRECORDS--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YEAH, TEVO!

IT RECORDS--I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE IN THE

BALCONY HAVE TEVO.

USUALLY IT'S THE PEOPLE UPFRONT.

BUT, AH--TEVO RECORDS TELEVISION PROGRAMS

FOR YOU WITHOUT YOU EVEN TELLINGIT TO.

IT JUST FIGURES OUT WHAT YOULIKE, AND IT RECORDS IT FOR YOU

WHICH IS AWESOME.

BUT RECENTLY I CAME HOME ANDMY TEVO HAD RECORDED TOUCHED

BY AN ANGEL.

[LAUGHTER]AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE...

AND THEN I REALIZED THAT MY TEVOFIGURED OUT THAT I LIKE CRAP.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]WHICH REMINDS ME, I WAS ON

THE TOILET FOR SO LONG THE OTHERDAY...

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS ON THE TOILET FOR SO LONG,I FINALLY SAID TO MYSELF,

"I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS[BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]PIGS LIKE [BLEEP].

DID YOU KNOW...

[LAUGHTER]THAT IN YOUR LIFETIME YOU ARE

MORE LIKELY TO GET ATTACKEDBY A DOMESTICATED PIG THAN BY

A SHARK.

THAT IS A TRUE STATISTIC,ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A

TENDENCY TO SWIM INPIG-INFESTED WATERS.

[LAUGHTER]DINGOES CAN SWIM.

I USED TO HAVE--[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I USED TO HAVE A PET DINGO.

I USED TO HAVE A PET DINGO,BUT THE MOST IRONIC THING

HAPPENED.

A BABY ATE MY DINGO.

BABIES LOVE VEGAS.

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]MY FAVORITE THING TO DO IN

VEGAS, BESIDES HOOKERS, IS--IS CALLED "SWIM UP BLACKJACK".

THAT'S WHERE THEY HAVE ABLACKJACK TABLE BY THE SIDE OF

THE POOL AND YOU SWIM OVERTO IT, AND THEN YOU SIT ON A

STOOL THAT'S SUBMERGED IN THEWATER AND YOU PLAY BLACKJACK.

IT'S AWESOME.

BUT THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE,THE DEALER YELLED AT ME FOR

GETTING THE CARDS WET.

I WAS LIKE, "BUT I'M IN A POOL,JIMMY, FROM PHOENIX."

[LAUGHTER]ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE TO ADMIT,

I DO HAVE A TENDENCY WHENI HIT 21, TO BE LIKE "I GOTTA

BLACKJACK!"[LAUGHTER]

Loading...