Patton Oswalt - Anne Frank House

  • Season 2 , Ep 12
  • 09/03/1999
  • Views: 17,236

Patton Oswalt gets thrown out of the Anne Frank house. (1:46)

IF YOU GO TO AMSTERDAM

YOU'VE GOT TO GOTO THE ANNE FRANK HOUSE.

NO, IT WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL.IT WAS REALLY SPIRITUAL.

I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU GO IN AND IT'STHE ACTUAL HOUSE.

BUT I DIDN'T KNOWTHAT YOU HAD TO PAY TO GET IN.

I THOUGHT YOU COULD JUST...

IT WAS A HISTORICAL...

I THOUGHT YOU JUST GO INAND YOU TAKE THE TOUR.

AND THERE'S THIS BIG BOOTHIN THE LOBBY

AND I THOUGHT, "WELL,THAT'S AN INFORMATION BOOTH."

AND I JUST BREEZED ON BY,UPSTAIRS I WENT-- WHOO.

STARTED TAKING THE TOUR.

SO THE WOMAN DOWNSTAIRS IS,LIKE:

"DID THAT GUY JUST NOT PAY?

HE DIDN'T PAY."

SO SHE COMES UP THE STAIRSAFTER ME.

NOW, WHEN I GOTO OTHER COUNTRIES

THIS IS GOING TO SOUNDKIND OF LAME

BUT I SORT OF THINK OF MYSELFAS AN AMBASSADOR

INSOFAR AS I DON'T WANT TO BE ATYPICAL AMERICAN DOUCHE NOZZLE.

AND GETTING THROWN OUTOF THE ANNE FRANK HOUSE?

THAT'S IT.

I MEAN, YOU'VE WON THE DOUCHENOZZLE SWEEPSTAKES, SO...

SHE'S LOOKING FOR ME

AND I'M... I'M ALREADYON THE THIRD FLOOR.

I'M, LIKE, "OH, MAN,WHAT DO I DO?"

SO I HID BEHIND THIS BOOKCASEON THE THIRD FLOOR.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO.

SO... SHE WAS LOOKING FOR MEFOR, LIKE, HALF AN HOUR

SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

SO I KEPT THIS DIARYWHILE I WAS BACK THERE

'CAUSE I WAS JUST BORED

I DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'TKNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

SO I'D LIKE TO READ AN EXCERPTFROM THE DIARY THAT I KEPT

WHILE I WAS THERE.

( clears throat )

"SATURDAY, JANUARY 10:

"I DIDN'T KNOWTHAT YOU HAD TO PAY

"TO GET INTOTHE ANNE FRANK HOUSE...

"AND NOW I'M HIDING BEHINDA BOOKCASE ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

"WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARNTHAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT CLEAR

"WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PAYTO GET INTO A HISTORIC LANDMARK

"LIKE THE ANNE FRANK HOUSE

"SO THAT PEOPLE LIKE MENEED NOT LIVE IN FEAR?

"STILL, I BELIEVE PEOPLEARE BASICALLY GOOD.

"AND I HOPE SOMEDAYTO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

WHO WILL LET MEFEEL HER BREASTS."

NOW THAT'S JUST AN EXCERPT.I DIDN'T...

I HAD TO LEAVE MY DIARY THEREWHEN I FLED

AND, UH, I JUST HOPETHEY PRINT THAT

SO PEOPLE CAN LEARNFROM MY MISTAKE.

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