YEAH.
DO YOU LIVE IT?
YOU DON'T.
I LIVE IT.
I HAVE A GREAT LIFE.
MY FRIENDS THINK IT'S SO MUCH
BETTER THAN IT REALLY IS.
WHY?
BECAUSE I MAKE IT BETTER.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE I'M WORKING
NEXT WEEK?
HAWAII.
YEAH.
I'M GONNA BE IN HAWAII.
ALL RIGHT, REALLY, I'M GONNA BE
IN NEWBURN, NORTH CAROLINA.
YEAH.
BUT IN MY MIND--
[LAUGHTER]]
I'M GOING TO HAWAII.
AND YOU CAN DO IT, TOO.
AND IT IS A LOT CHEAPER.
[LAUGHTER]
ANY TIME YOU'RE GOING SOMEPLACE
THAT YOU DON'T WANNA GO, JUST
PRETEND YOU'RE GOING TO HAWAII.
PACK A BUNCH OF FLOWERED SHIRTS
JUMP OFF THE PLANE.
BE LIKE, "ALOHA, EVERYBODY.
[CHUCKLES]
WHERE'S MY LEI?"
"YOU'RE IN TROUBLE."
ORDER TROPICAL DRINKS ALL WEEK.
WHEN YOU GET HOME,
YOUR FRIENDS'LL BE LIKE, "HEY,
WE'VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII.
HOW WAS IT?"
AND JUST BE LIKE, "EH--
WAS ALL RIGHT."
I EVEN TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND
LAST WEEK TO PARIS.
THE WHOLE TIME SHE'S LIKE,
"THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE
BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA."
AND I'M LIKE, "SHUT UP,
BRITNEY SPEARS."
AND SHE'S LIKE, "QUIT CALLING ME
BRITNEY SPEARS."
AND I'M LIKE "NO ONE TALKS
TO "THE ROCK" LIKE THAT, BITCH."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH.
[CHEERING]
WHICH IS REALLY FUNNY,
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND.
[LAUGHTER.
THAT WAS JUST SOME LADY
ON THE BUS.
SHE DID NOT SMELL WHAT I WAS
COOKING.
[LAUGHTER]