YEAH.

DO YOU LIVE IT?

YOU DON'T.

I LIVE IT.

I HAVE A GREAT LIFE.

MY FRIENDS THINK IT'S SO MUCH

BETTER THAN IT REALLY IS.

WHY?

BECAUSE I MAKE IT BETTER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE I'M WORKING

NEXT WEEK?

HAWAII.

YEAH.

I'M GONNA BE IN HAWAII.

ALL RIGHT, REALLY, I'M GONNA BE

IN NEWBURN, NORTH CAROLINA.

YEAH.

BUT IN MY MIND--

[LAUGHTER]]

I'M GOING TO HAWAII.

AND YOU CAN DO IT, TOO.

AND IT IS A LOT CHEAPER.

[LAUGHTER]

ANY TIME YOU'RE GOING SOMEPLACE

THAT YOU DON'T WANNA GO, JUST

PRETEND YOU'RE GOING TO HAWAII.

PACK A BUNCH OF FLOWERED SHIRTS

JUMP OFF THE PLANE.

BE LIKE, "ALOHA, EVERYBODY.

[CHUCKLES]

WHERE'S MY LEI?"

"YOU'RE IN TROUBLE."

ORDER TROPICAL DRINKS ALL WEEK.

WHEN YOU GET HOME,

YOUR FRIENDS'LL BE LIKE, "HEY,

WE'VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII.

HOW WAS IT?"

AND JUST BE LIKE, "EH--

WAS ALL RIGHT."

I EVEN TOOK MY GIRLFRIEND

LAST WEEK TO PARIS.

THE WHOLE TIME SHE'S LIKE,

"THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE

BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA."

AND I'M LIKE, "SHUT UP,

BRITNEY SPEARS."

AND SHE'S LIKE, "QUIT CALLING ME

BRITNEY SPEARS."

AND I'M LIKE "NO ONE TALKS

TO "THE ROCK" LIKE THAT, BITCH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

[CHEERING]

WHICH IS REALLY FUNNY,

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE

A GIRLFRIEND.

[LAUGHTER.

THAT WAS JUST SOME LADY

ON THE BUS.

SHE DID NOT SMELL WHAT I WAS

COOKING.

[LAUGHTER]