Jim Breuer - Party in Your Stomach

Dana Gould Season 1, Ep 5 08/25/1997 Views: 18,937

Once Scotch and Jagermeister show up, you can feel the tension. (3:09)

>> I used to drink like a


Like, 18 to 22, just drink.

There's no reason to get sick

when you go drinking.

All right, I'm gonna help all

you out right here, right now,

so you never ever get sick


Easy analogy.

Every time you go drinking,

just remember it's just like

having a little party,

all right.

But the party is in your


The stomach's the bouncer.

Don't piss him off, man.

Now, when you have a party,

you invite your friends.

You invite your family, 'cause

you know everyone gets along,

you know.

If there's a fight, you go,

"Hey, come on, man.

You guys know each other."

"All right, yeah.

Everything's cool.

Sorry, man."

"That's okay."

Same thing when you have alcohol

in the stomach.

See, now, beer you can mix up

all you want, 'cause beer gets

along with one another.

[rock music]

>> Oh, yeah!

>> Woo-hoo!

>> Beer shows up in your


[imitating knocking at door]

"Hey, stomach.

What's up, man?

Um...it's just us beer,

you know, looking for a little


You know everyone, man.

You know Coors Light, Sam Adams,

Budweiser, Becks."

"Uns hello."

"He's crazy, man.

That's why we bring him.

He's crazy."

>> The purity of your German

heritage is diluted with

genetically inferior hops.


>> And your stomach's cool

with that.

"All right, come on in.

Just keep it down, all of you."

Next thing you know, a couple

Scotches show up.

[playing bagpipe]

Scotch is walking around with

his boys.

[in Scottish accent]

"Hey, look, laddie.

It's right there.

Come here, boys."


"Look at that--


Watch this.


Right here, you right bastards.

Dirty wanker.

I'll knock you on your boom."

>> You're nothing but a chaser.

>> You know, now you feel that

tension going on, but now

everyone's showing up.


>> Call me a jager.

>> Fuzzy navels.

>> I want to dance.

>> Sometimes sake.


Now, everyone's in there.

The place is packed,

a lot of tension.

Your stomach's trying to

keep control.

But at the end of the night,

who always shows up?

Tequila, exactly.

[cheers and applause]

>> May I go party?

[speaking in Spanish]

>> And tequila never shows

up alone.

There's always eight or nine of

them lined up.

Now, Tequila's persistent.

[with Spanish accent]

"Oh, come on, man.

We won't start no trouble, man."


"We just came here to have

a good time.

That's all, man.

Right, señor?"

"That's right, señor."

"We left the worm back

in the van.

It won't mess with nobody, man."

And like an idiot, your stomach

lets in one shot of tequila.

And then he sneaks in all his

friends when nobody's looking.

"Come on, man.

Ain't nobody looking.

Go through the legs, señor."

And then--

[imitates festive Spanish music]

[imitates gunshots]

Fights break out, and your

stomach goes, "All right.

That's it.

Everyone, get out.

Get--oh, no, no, no.

No, not that way.

The way you came in.

Let's go.

Get out."

[cheers and applause]