Demetri Martin - Training Bras

Demetri Martin: Standup Comedian 09/29/2012 Views: 7,092

As a kid, Demetri Martin had no idea why girls were training their chests. (2:10)

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"What the hellhappened to him?

"I am high right now.

That Dalmatian is fat and smeary."

When the cowsees the Dalmatian,

he must be like,

"He looks amazing.

"I am so out of shape.This is ridiculous.

My titsare on the ground here."

When I first heardthe term "training bra,"

I was freaked out.

I was pretty young,and I said,

"Did you just say'training bra'?

"They're trainingtheir chests?

I had no idea."

You see some lady,her boobs are everywhere.

"What's her deal?"

"Those areuntrained titties."

"What?""You've gotta train 'em

"when they're young,or they go wild.

"You can't have free-range boobsbouncing all over the place.

"She was sittingon the couch,

"one just punched herin the face.

She wasn't even moving."

Sometimes, if a womanhas a really nice butt,

she'll wear tight pants.

Then everybody looks at her buttwhen she walks by.

That's nice,

but it seems like a waste.

Everybody's looking there,

I feel like we shouldput important information

on the butt.

We should put the photos

of missing childrenright on there.

"Damn!

We gotta find that boy."

I go to the gym, and I tryto run on the treadmill.

And I listen to music,

but it doesn'tmotivate me enough.

So I'm gonna geta recording

of a pack of wolvesgaining on me.

People will be like,"Why is that guy crying

on that treadmillover there?"

"I don't know,but he's been yelling 'Help!'

"for, like,20 minutes.