Schumerenka vs. Everett

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 04/01/2014
  • Views: 16,320

Tennis champion Bridget Everett squares off against sexy challenger Amy Schumerenka in the final round of the East Coast International tournament. (3:09)


(man)Bridget Everett is just threepoints away from winning

her fourth Grand Slam.

(man)Remarkably, she has not allowedSchumerenka a single game in

this match and yet,I can't take my eyes off

of Schumerenka's uniquestyle on the court.

Ah!(man)I agree, Patrick.

Schumerenka hasa charisma on the court

that just pullsyou in.

Unh! (man) Out.

I think one reason whySchumerenka's having such

a difficult time in thismatch is the distraction

factor ofEverett's grunting.

(Patrick)Oh, God, it's disgusting,they should really ban it.




(man) Out.

(man)Heaving and sweatinglike a Clydesdale,

Everett makes the shot.

Let's take a look atthe instant replay.


(Patrick)So amazing.

I think the most incredible partof Schumerenka's game is how she

manages to be so thin and yet,still have such large breasts.

(man)Absolutely, it's justsuch a turn-on

to see tennis played withthis level of integrity.

Amy's friends and familyobviously agree.

Schumerenka's sponsoris Herpsky premium vodka.

(Patrick)As usual, Everett's friendand old math teacher

is there tocheer her on.

Got her a nice seat in her VIPbox, sponsored by ground beef.

(man)Is what she's doingtechnically cheering her on?

It looks like she's justeating snacks from home.

Schumerenka seems to be tryingto take a moment to refocus.

(Patrick)This is one of those key momentswhere she definitely needs to

take her timeand not rush.

Yeah, don't rush that.(man)Whoo.

(Patrick)Bridget doesn't seem to like thedelay in the game and as usual,

she has to try to control herinfamous attitude problem.

It's unattractive and alsoshe's (bleep) blocking.




(man)No good, it's over.

Yes! Yes!

Well, Everett wins theEast Coast International

for the fourth timein straight sets.

Hope she's happy.

Let's go courtside forthe awards ceremony.

Bridget, you won.

Here's your cup anda million dollars.

Thanks, Katrina.

Really fought hardout there--Amy, you lost.

But you were so gorgeousthroughout the entire match

that it's almostlike you won.

Does that make sense?What's your secret?


I love this country.


Amy, I'm being toldthe crowd has chipped in.

You will now be walkingaway with $2 million!


I love you...thank you!

Oh, thank you,my country!

Oh thank you America!


I won, I won.

Amy! Amy! Amy!

America! America!

These are for you,take them.

I don't needthem anymore.

I love you, America.

Take them.

(Patrick)Amy Schumerenka,a true champion.

(man)Great for tennis.