It is now time for tonight's#HashtagWars.
(applause and cheering)
If there's anythingnew grads can count on,
it's parental concern,a poor job market,
and a graduation speaker whowill somehow take 30 minutes
to say "follow your dreams"or some (bleep).
But we here at @midnight knowthat nobody's got time for that,
which is why we're giving youall the tips you need
with tonight's #HashtagWar--
graduation advicein three words.
Graduation advicein three words.
Examples might be,"Congrats, you're poor!"
Or "Hoard work snacks."
I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock and begin.
-Mamrie.-Vodka will help.
-Matteo.-Drive for Uber.
-Mamrie.-Ride on coattails.
-Matteo.-Ready, set, blow.
-Mamrie.-Steal Netflix passwords.
-Gracie.-Don't send nudes.
-Matteo.-Green card marriage.
-Gracie.-Deodorant is shower.
-Mamrie.-Sorry, you're (bleep).
-Matteo.-Fake your death.
-Gracie.-Don't marry that.
Points. Points. Mamrie.
Marry that, idiot!