Tom Cotter - College Kids

  • Season 8 , Ep 13
  • 03/11/2004
  • Views: 7,788

When a college kid compliments Tom Cotter, he takes it as a challenge to fight. (2:18)

Tom Cotter: I DO THESE COLLEGES

ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

AND COLLEGE KIDS HAVE LOST THEIR

MINDS, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS.

I WENT TO COLUMBIA AND I WORKED

FOR A DRUG CARTEL.

THEN I WENT TO COLLEGE.

[LAUGHTER]

COLLEGE FOR ME WAS THE BEST

28 SEMESTERS OF MY LIFE.

IT REALLY WAS.

I WAS A POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR.

I HAD A MINOR.

HER NAME WAS DEBBIE, NICE KID.

AND...

[LAUGHTER]

I HAD A 3.0.

THAT WAS MY BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL.

I NEVER MADE DEAN'S LIST BUT

I WAS ON CAMPUS SECURITY'S

TEN MOST WANTED EVERY SINGLE

SEMESTER.

BUT COLLEGE KIDS ARE DIFFERENT

NOW, AND I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH

THIS.

THIS KID CAME UP TO ME AFTER

A SHOW AND HE SAID, "HEY, MAN,

YOU WERE THE [BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER]

YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE,

YOU LITTLE PUKE.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL

ABOUT?

BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S SOME KIND

OF COMPLIMENT NOW WITH THE KIDS.

AND "FAT".

WHEN I WAS A KID, FAT WAS NO

GOOD.

NOW P-H-A-T IF YOU SPELL IT THAT

WAY THAT MEANS "COOL".

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

AND "THE 'BOMB'", REMEMBER WHEN

BOMBS WERE EVIL AND THEY MAIMED

AND KILLED.

NOW "THE 'BOMB'" MEANS

REALLY COOL.

SO NOW IF YOU'RE A

PHAT [BLEEP] BOMB YOU'RE FRIGGEN

AMAZING TO THESE KIDS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY SPEAK A COMPLETELY

DIFFERENT LANGUAGE.

THIS OTHER KID CAME UP TO ME AND

HE SAID, "HEY, MAN, YO, YO,

I'M FEELING YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA GET

TO FIRST BASE HOW'S THAT,

WHISTLE NUTS?

AND I'M NOT A YO-YO.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS OTHER KID CAME UP TO ME

AND SAID, "YOU MY DOG."

REALLY?

WHY DON'T I MOUNT YOUR LEG

AND POOP ON THE RUG.

CAN I DO THAT?

WOOF.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS OTHER KID CAME UP TO ME

AND HE SAID, "YO, YOU WAS MAD

FUNNY UP IN HERE.

I AIN'T FRONTIN', KNOW WHAT

I'M SAYING?"

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST

SAID, NO."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I WAS LIKE CAN I BUY A VOWEL

OR PHONE A FRIEND, YOU LOST ME

AT "YO".

HEY, THANK YOU FOR LAUGHING AT

Loading...