Doug Benson - Movies

  • Season 13 , Ep 2
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 8,208

Doug tries out a new character he's been working on with an audience member. (3:18)

I LOVE MOVIES.

I DO. I LOVE 'EM.

LOVE 'EM, LOVE 'EM, LOVE 'EM.

I WAS SITTING IN MY HOTEL ROOMTHE OTHER DAY

WATCHING "KILL BILL: VOL. 1."

AND -- YEAH.

GREAT MOVIE,BUT IT WAS ON REGULAR TV.

YEAH, SO THEY CUT STUFF,

THEY CLEANED UPALL THE LANGUAGE,

LEFT IN MOST OF THE VIOLENCE,BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT --

IF LITTLE TIMMYSEES UMA THURMAN

KILL 88 DUDESWITH A SAMURAI SWORD, NO BIGGIE.

BUT IF THAT SAME KID HEARSSOMEBODY SAY THE WORD [BLEEP]

HE MIGHT GO OUT OF HIS MIND

AND COMMIT TERRIBLE, TERRIBLEATROCITIES UPON SOCIETY.

THANK GOD WE'RE BEING PROTECTED.

YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

BUT IT DID YIELD SOME UNEXPECTEDCOMEDY IN THE MOTION PICTURE,

BECAUSE MY FAVORITE LINE --

MY FAVORITE LINEOF CLEANED-UP DIALOGUE

IN "KILL BILL: VOL. 1"

IS WHEN THE MALEORDERLY-NURSE GUY GOES,

"MY NAME IS BUCK,AND I LIKE TO PARTY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT IS EVEN WEIRDERTHAN IF HE DROPPED AN F-BOMB.

WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC --

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC,PSYCHOPATH, CRAZY PERSON

SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GONNAMAKE A RHYME

AND THEN MISSES IT COMPLETELY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, AS LONG AS THEY WERECHANGING STUFF,

WHY DIDN'T THEYMAKE HIS NAME MARTY?

THAT SEEMS LIKEA SIMPLE ENOUGH SOLUTION.

CHANGE HIS NAME TO MARTY.

"MY NAME IS MARTY,AND I LIKE TO PARTY!

LET'S HAVE A MARTY PARTY!"

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

JOEY.JOEY.

"MY NAME IS JOEY,AND I LIKE TO --"

AND WHAT DO YOU DOFOR A LIVING, JOEY?

I'M A STUDENT.

STUDENT.GOOD FOR YOU.

I'M NOT GONNA GETINTO WHAT KIND OF --

YOU KNOW,IT'S ALL A WASTE OF TIME.

LISTEN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

UM, I HAVE A LITTLE CHARACTERTHAT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON

THAT I WOULD LIKETO TRY RIGHT NOW,

AND I NEED YOUTO HELP ME OUT.

YOU'LL BE PLAYINGYOURSELF, JOEY.

AND I'LL TELL YOUWHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO,

AND THEN WE'LL DO IT.

MY CHARACTER IS A FELLOWWHO HAS A HARD TIME

MATCHING THE GESTURE HE MAKESWITH HIS HAND

WITH THE SOUND THAT COMESOUT OF HIS MOUTH.

OKAY, THAT'S MY CHARACTER.YOU'RE JOEY.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIEOF ALL TIME, JOEY,

IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE?

"BILL & TED'SEXCELLENT ADVENTURE."

THAT IS A FANTASTIC CHOICE.

THE SUIT THREW ME OFF.

DIDN'T FIGURE YOUFOR A WEED MAN.

BUT ANYWAY...

ALL RIGHT, "BILL & TED'SEXCELLENT ADVENTURE."

SO WHAT I WANT YOUTO SAY TO ME --

I'LL BE THE CHARACTER

THAT HIS MOUTHDOESN'T MATCH HIS GESTURE,

AND YOU'RE JOEY.

AND ASK ME WHAT I THOUGHT

OF "BILL & TED'SEXCELLENT ADVENTURE."

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

SO, DUDE, I WAS WATCHINGTHIS MOVIE CALLED --

I JUST GOT TO SAY,CALLING ME "DUDE" WAS AWESOME.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT WAS ALSO EXCELLENT!WHOO!

WAIT,THAT'S "WAYNE'S WORLD."

[BLEEP] THAT.

IT'S NOT "WAYNE'S WORLD.""BILL & TED."

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

OKAY, SO I WAS WATCHINGTHIS MOVIE,

"BILL & TED'SEXCELLENT ADVENTURE,"

AND I WAS WONDERING,WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THAT?

PBHT!

THANKS, JOEY,I APPRECIATE IT.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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