Uncensored - Jeff Ross - Never Too Soon

Jeff Ross Roasts America Season 1, Ep 101 08/11/2012 Views: 17,481

Jeff Ross wonders if Seattle is ready for Kurt Cobain jokes. (2:29)

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I GOT A HAIRCUTFOR YOU PEOPLE.

I TOLD THE GUY, "MAKE ME LOOKLIKE GADDAFI'S NEPHEW."

IT ALMOST RAINED TODAY,DIDN'T IT, SEATTLE?

ALMOST.

HOW MANY DAYS A WEEK DOES IT--YOU THINK IT RAINS HERE?

all: SEVEN!

- SEVEN DAYS A WEEK?

YOU PEOPLE ARE WETTERTHAN WHITNEY HOUSTON

IN A BEVERLY HILLSHOTEL BATHTUB.

YOU PEOPLE--

- TOO SOON!- NEVER TOO SOON, SIR.

HOW [bleep] STONEDARE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS?

PEOPLE SMOKE POTIN SEATTLE?

[crowd cheers]- YEE-HAW!

- YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING WHILEYOU'RE HOLDING IN POT SMOKE

AND IT MAKES IT OKAY,RIGHT?

[inhales]

MOM'S DEAD.

[laughs]

[inhales]

- UH-OH, I DON'T KNOWIF I WANT IT.

- I WANT TO STICK MY PINKIEIN YOUR ASSHOLE.

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.

I INVITED COURTNEY LOVE,BUT SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP.

SHE TOLD MESHE'S WRITING HER BOOK.

THAT'S GONNA BEA CAN'T-REMEMOIR.

THAT PLOT'SGONNA HAVE MORE HOLES

THAN KURT COBAIN'S GARAGE.

[laughter and groans]

TOO SOON FOR THE KURT JOKES,SEATTLE?

I HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK,BUT I BET IT ENDS WITH A BANG.

ALL APOLOGIES.

HOW FAR DOES BILL GATESLIVE FROM HERE?

BILL GATES IS SO RICH,

HE WIPES HIS ASSWITH SEAHAWKS TICKETS.

BILL GATES IS SO RICH,HE'S 100% OF THE 1% OF THE 1%.

BILL GATES IS SO RICH,

HE HIRED CANCERTO KILL STEVE JOBS.