But the women werebeautiful, man.
They are, oh, man, you know,I said, like, ass?
Everybody has ass in Africa.Everybody.
I was, like, "Excuse me, sir,no disrespect
"but you got an ass, sir.You got a big ol' ass, brother.
"Go ahead and walk awayfrom me real quick.
Let me look at that thing."
I went to two citieswhile I was there.
I went to Johannesburgand I went to Cape Town.
Now, Cape Town is a cool city.
Like, they like Americans.They love us, you know.
All they got to do is hearyour voice
and they all over you.
I'm just walking aroundtalking for no reason.
I'm, like, "Hey, hey, one, two,three, four, five,
"six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
Yeah, yeah, I'm American,yes, yes."
Johannesburg? They don't care.
They don't carewhere you are from
if you're not from there.
They don't care aboutno damn Americans.
I was in, I was in this fastfood restaurant, right?
And I had on the feet shoes.You know the feet shoes,
like, where the toe go
into each individual spacelike a gorilla?
And this lady was, like,
"Oh, okay, where did you getyour shoes?"
I was, like, "Ah, you know,I'm from the States."
She said, "I don't carewhere you are from!
Where are the shoes?!"
I'm, like, "Man, they gota Footlocker out here?"
(chuckles)They were rude, man.
So the last thingthat I wanted to do
while I was in South Africa ismeet a woman.
I was at Portsmouth.
I said, "I can't find whatI like here in the States.
I'm gonna find mea nice African woman."
Now this is the thing aboutwomen in South Africa.
If you wantto marry one of them,
they have this thing called"lobola."
Lobola is like a dowry,
which means you have
to pay their father in orderto marry them.
Now, they don't take cash.You got to pay in cows.
Now, this is crazy to me.
I'm, like, "Cows? Where am Igonna get a damn cow from?"
You know, back home, you wantto hook up with something,
you go to the barbershop,you know.
I'm in the barbershop like"Who got some cows in here?"
They're like, "I got twogorillas, but we out of cows.
Damn, I hope you don't mind."
So I wantto respect the culture.
I said, "Let me go talkto her father
and understand about the cows,"you know.
'Cause this how it works:
the average woman is aboutten cows.
Now, if she's good-looking,she's smart,
you might be, like, 15 cows.
If she dumb, if she gota baby already,
she, like, five cows.
So I'm, like, "Let me gotalk to her father
and figure this out."
So I go talk to her father,I said, "Excuse me, sir,
"um, I want to respectyour culture.
"I really like your daughter.I don't have the cows right now.
"but I'm gonna go home,save my cows up, come back.
I just want to knowhow many cows I need."
So he's like, "Who, Lisa?Just give me two cows."
I said, "Come on, man.Stop playing."
He said, "Okay, one cowand a porcupine.
It's my final offer."
I said, "Man, be serious."
He said, "Just take the bitch.Leave!"