the Songies or something, uh...
I'm so-- are you not sickof these music shows,
these award shows?
It's like there's,like, no good songs,
then they're justgiving them awards.
Like, let's give Ne-Yo a prize.
Let's not, um...
So, so, uh, you know what elsedrives me crazy about that?
Remember when people usedto just do their songs
on these shows and get offstage?
That's not enoughfor these egomaniacs.
They have to show ushow hard they worked,
so, like,Usher will finish his song
and everyone's applauding,and instead of getting offstage,
Usher stands thereand does this.
It's like, "Usher,you lip-synched a song.
"You didn't witness a murder.
Fellas, nobody-- no--fellas, no woman on Earth
wants to look at her phone
and see a picture of your dick.
Our bodies are disgusting.
They're not madeto be photographed.
That's what women's bodiesare for.
Women's bodies are beautiful.
They've got curves and padding
and their own cafeteria.
They have a lot happening.
Our bodies are not madeto attract women.
Our bodies are madeto see attractive women,
chase them downwith our superior speed...
subdue themwith our superior strength,
try to make a baby.
There we go.
This is the face I make.
I love you.
So, uh, so I'm single.
No, I'm single,so girls will send me pictures
of their boobs sometimes,and it's the best.
It's the best.
That never happensto my married guy friends.
I shouldn't sayit never happens.
My married guy friends--their wives will send them
pictures of their boobs,but it's always with a note
that says, like,"I think my rash is back."
So girls will send mepictures of their boobs,
and then I gotto send something back,
and this isabout all we have to send,
so-- but, fellas,women don't want that.
They-- so put somethingin the frame,
if you're going to takea picture of it,
that women actually like.
Put, like, a scented candledown there...
or, like, a gift certificatefor Sephora.
Yeah, or like a bigger dick.
Women are sensual creatures,you understand me?
So, so they...they don't want the organ.
They want a hint
of sexuality, fellas,
so if you got abs,take a picture of your abs.
You know what else women like?
Women like this thing,whatever this is, the ramp.
Yeah, the on-ramp to Dick City.
For the black girls,the D'Angelo muscle, huh?
Yeah, this is romantic.
This is like The Notebook.
This is A Walk to Remember.
This is Alien 3.