Fahim Anwar - Basic Probability

Season 1 , Ep 5 08/01/10 Views: 8,044

It doesn't take that much imagination to predict a gangster rapper's early death. (2:31)

- THANK YOU.

PLEASE BE SEATED, EL REY.

THANK YOU.

IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE, GUYS.

UM, I LOVE DOING STAND-UP.

IT'S ONE OF MY TRUE PASSIONS.

I JUST HATE THE RESPONSEI GET WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT.

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME.

THEY'RE ALWAYS, LIKE,

"OH, YOU MUST BE DESPERATEFOR ATTENTION."

AND I'M, LIKE, "THAT COULD NOTBE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

NOW CHECK THIS OUT."

WHO NEEDS ATTENTIONWHEN YOU'VE GOT THIS? NOT ME.

I GO INTO JOB INTERVIEWS, LIKE,"TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT."

AND THEY'RE, LIKE, "GOOD GOD,TAKE IT."

AND I'M, LIKE,"WHICH WAY TO MY CUBICLE?"

MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN ACTINGKIND OF BUGGY LATELY.

I WAS WORKING ON ITAND THIS THING POPPED UP.

IT SAID "WINDOWS ENCOUNTEREDA CRITICAL FLAW.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEND AN ERRORREPORT BACK TO MICROSOFT?"

AND I CLICK "DON'T SEND"

'CAUSE I AIN'T NO[bleep] SNITCH.

I DON'T WANT THAT TO COME BACKAND HAUNT ME SOME DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'M WALKING BACK TO MY CARAFTER WORK ONE DAY.

I HEAR FOUR TIRES SQUEAL.

FIVE INDIAN PROGRAMMERSIN A CADILLAC DEVILLE.

[imitates Indian accent]"YOU JUST HAD TO OPEN

YOUR [bleep] MOUTH!"

PA-PA-PA-PA-PA!PA-PA-PA-PA-PA!

IT'S LIKE A SCENEOUT OF BOYZ N THE HOOD.

I'M WEARING A FOOTBALL JERSEYFOR SOME REASON.

[speaking slowly]RANJIT! NO!

PA-PA-PA-PA-PA!

SO WE GOT ANY, UH, BIGGIE FANSIN THE HOUSE TONIGHT?

[cheers and applause]YEAH?

THE THING I DESPISEABOUT BIGGIE FANS

IS WHEN THEY'RE, LIKE,"OH, MAN, BIGGIE WAS SO PROLIFIC

"'CAUSE HE KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIEAN EARLY DEATH

AND HE RAPPED ABOUT ITIN HIS RHYMES."

LIKE, TO ME, IT DOESN'T TAKETHAT MUCH IMAGINATION

TO PREDICT AN EARLY DEATHWHEN YOU ARE A GANGSTER RAPPER

AND EVERYONE IN YOUR CREWCARRIES A SUBMACHINE GUN.

THAT'S BASIC PROBABILITY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VETAKEN STATISTICS OR NOT.

THAT'D BE, LIKE, IF I-I WEREA SNAKE VENOM COLLECTOR

BUSTING FAT RHYMES.

LIKE, UH,

♪ SOMETIMES I FEELLIKE A KING COBRA ♪

♪ GONNA BITE ME IN THE NECK

LIKE, YEAH, IT'S PROBABLYGONNA HAPPEN.

SOONER THAN LATER.

NOW IF IN ONE OF HIS SONGS,BIGGIE WAS, LIKE,

♪ UH, WE NEED TO STOPWITH THE SUBPRIME LENDING ♪

♪ OTHERWISE THE HOUSING BUBBLEGONNA BURST ♪

♪ TRIGGER, BRINGINGECONOMIC MELTDOWN ♪

♪ BUH-BUH-BABY

IT'D BE, LIKE, "ALL RIGHT,YOU SAW THAT ONE COMING.

POINT, BIGGIE."

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